ok, so here it goes.... I have been with my gf for 4yrs now and 2 weeks ago she went away on business with her boss. I was already worried but was shocked to find out when I phoned her that evening that she was drunk. She had gone out for a meal then ended up going out for drinks with him afterwards. This didn't bother me much as I knew he was a very strict boss/stone cold businessman. Last weekend after a few drinks she went to bed, when I went through she was on the phone to some1 who she claimed was a female friend, however I could hear their voice and they clearly weren't female. The next day she claimed she couldn't remember who she was talking 2 but the issue passed. Then last night I returned home to find her on the phone 2 a male again, who she claimed was a colleague (not the boss) which I didnt mind, she then got 2 txts and each time left the room to respond. So I later looked at her phone and found that it was her boss who had been texting and the messages were very 'friendly'. They both signed off with kisses and he even called her babe, which he had never done before! she says he was just supporting her through a hard time but I find this hard to believe. The thing is I know she has cheated on me in the past, it was a drunken 1 night stand after an argument but the worst thing is she lied about it for a month and it was only until her friend told me that she confessed. Also last year after an argument she spent the night in a bed with a colleague 'but nothing happened' apparently. After the latest texting we had a big argument and she got very defensive and turned it round on me saying I was being paranoid and didnt trust her so whats the point in us being together. Is it just me or would any1 else be paranoid and suspicious?!? I don't know what to do, the thing is my family love her and actually talk about her more than me, she is very successful and I am not! I've always had a low self esteem and I feel like this is the nail in the coffin. I moved away from home several years ago so all our friends here are mutual. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends at home either or my family. I think that if we do split up I will spiral into depression and lose myself. I can't help loving her and she is my best friend! Am I an idiot? I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't want to be alive anymore, life hurts too much!