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What to do??

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Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
I just got backfrom takeing care of my parents for the last ten days,..They are 80 and waiting to die..I had to put my dad in the hospital the second day I was there..They both are on oxygen to breath and his wasn't helping.. He was laboring to breath..I know I am following in his foot steps because I have been smoking for 42 years..My question is this, do I want to live like that or follow through with my plan and end it all..I have to go back in August to take care of them again..I don't have it in me..I was a nervous wreck when I got home.. I had to eat two xanax and lay down for a couple of hours just to get myself under control..I don't want to be alive anymore and my friends here keep me going..I'm just not sure how much longer I can hang on..Seeing what they are going thru has really opened my eyes..I've tried three times before with out much luck.. My new method is a no brainer..Should I or shouldn't I ?? I have made peace with the idea and anm not afraid..I just don't know what to do..


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Well you are now speaking to a long time chain smoker, who's dad died of lung cancer.
My grandfather and grandmother died of it as well, so chances are thats my fate.
But, and yeah here's the but, am going to go to a smoking clinic to try and stop once and for all.
So how about quiting?
As to looking after the ageds, yeah been there and its wearing to say the least.
Can you not get a carer to take some of the stress off your back, no one should have to deal with that load. :hug:

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi hun i too have so many to take care of burn't myself out totally. I now have care taker come in once day to look after my mother and my brothers have a carer come in to to look after them You should be looking after YOU now okay get on the patch something to stop smoking NO you should not go through with anything you mean to much to people here hun h ugs to you


Well-Known Member
No don't go stranger!
it's understandable how you're feeling after looking after your parents
the fear you're feeling ..I know that too
I watched both my parents die

it's a huge strain to see your parents like that and very tiring emotionally and mentally
take time to rest and recouperate before making any rash decisions ok

and (sorry to throw this one at you) imagine how they'll feel if you take your life though...
it's an indescribable pain to have to bury your child (at any age) ..

I also would miss you ...have missed our chats while you've been away...



Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
Thank you Terry, Total Eclipse, And IV2010..It;s just so demanding to sit there and see how week they are..I have to go back in August for ten days,,+I don't know if I can handle that.. But I am the only one not working.. I feel so bad for them..My point is I don't want to end up like that..42 years of smoking is along timer too... I know I won't quit... Been there and tried all the treatments,..I just enjoy it to much..So I am stuck in a delima..

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hun just try cutting back then okay i know people that have smoked into their 90 and not got cancer so don't worry abt future okay just try to decrease some that all and enjoy living to day,.


New Member
Stranger1 .. You don't have to quit. It's very stressful anytime you HAVE TO do or not do anything. It's a mental torture is all so to get around it you only need to tell yourself that you are making this choice because you want to. So you don't have to do anything. If cigarettes don't kill you then something else will so whats wrong with smoking anyway?

I had to cut way back because I couldnt smoke at work without leaving the property. Not an easy task to leave the hospital grounds when you have stats to run and the phones ring nonstop. I worked 12 hr shifts so it was surprising to myself that I eventially had no problem with just having one cigarette the whole shift. Even still today I can smoke 4 to 5 cigarettes a day and I'm fine with it.

So I guess one way that I experimented with it and it seemed to work was by only having a cigarette every two hours .. start with every one hour if thats less than what you currently do. Every person is different.. some can stop cold turkey and never look back and some struggle like hell to quit and can't do it for several tries. The thing is even if it takes 100 tries to get there.. each time is a little closer rite? So as long as you are in charge of the rules of the 'plan' then only you can decide what constitutes a failure or a success. And really any step no matter how small is still a step in the rite direction so that can only be a success.

The most self defeating behaviors often come from trying to be successful under someone elses "model" for achieving something.

So chose a time when you accomplished something somewhat difficult in your opinion .. that you are still proud of today .. What drove you to achieve that? What inspired you? Was it an intense and structured attempt? Or was it easy and laid back with no pressure? Can that apply to what you are trying to accomplish now? And if so .. how and in what way ..

Maybe that can just serve as your own model to change or rearrange as you see fit..

I've thought that since things are so different the past year especially with the job search.. In my case the homeland security bs and the anti terrorist bs those things that have put the background check in the front of everything else .. and I think this will gradually change to where only convictions that affect the positions applied for will be applicable.. but now with so many applicants for every job I am screwed even though mine are misdemeanors it doesnt matter when everyone else must be without blemish? who knows ... but obviously I need to try a different approach than what used to work for me .. I just don't know what that would be right now....:mushroom:
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