I find myself in a bad place in my head. Why after years of therapy do I constantly return to bad coping mechanisms? Why can't I process emotions in a healthy way? I mean I'm at the point with my therapist that our convo is the same every week. Nothing changes anymore. If anything progress is backward. Does that make sense to anyone? Having been free of bad coping mechanisms and then going back to them? I am sad, confused and self destructive, is this any way to live? I search for the key to it all, the key that will unlock this cycle, but it slips from my hands like water. I am rambling I guess, its late and I just wanted to see words, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible. Although I know thats not true. My rational mind and my emotions don't get along very well. Thank you for reading this, hope it made some sense.