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What to do?

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The biggest loser ever to live.
I am inferior to everyone on this planet, I don't have the skills that everyone else has, I lack the basic things and knowledge.

But yet, I also don't want to die. I don't think life itself is horrible, just that I am not fit for living. I keep wishing that I could reincarnate and start life over again to be normal. And I know that my parents and little brother at least would be devastated by my suicide. I haven't lost anyone I loved to death yet but I can imagine how horrible the pain is, especially if the death is from a suicide.

I'm also afraid of death and what happens afterward, maybe if I do go to hell? And I really do love computers and videogames for example, even though there's so much more to explore in life, but I am a messed up loser. I know that my dad hates it when I talk about commiting suicide. I'm a failure in everything, I am a failure to my family, my dad actually thinks I'm getting better but I dunno anything anymore.

So what to do? Just try to change, improve myself? I just feel that its too late for me to change and that I'm too messed up, but thats probably the depression talking to me. I really am the biggest loser alive, you all will say that its not true and that its my depression telling me that but I really am, I really fucking am. But hey, since I'm at rock bottom, the only way I can go is up right?

Everyone thinks I'm gonna grow up and be happy and sucessful, blah blah blah, but I am a failure now and will be later on, at least if I keep going the way I am. Look at me, whining like this so pathetically. I've been on this forum for over a year and over a 1000 posts later and I still haven't made any progress, made any friends here, nobody here really knows me, done NOTHING here.

As a child, I never thought I would be ended up like this. What am I going to do? I feel so lost, scared, alone, anxious, trapped. Everyone else I know, like my cousins and relatives, my parent's friend's children who are around my age for example, they are all really happy and sucessful and all that shit. And trust me, they may be hiding a few things about their life, but they are nowhere near messed up as I am. If I even told anyone I was thinking about suicide, they'd view me as crazy, "why the hell should I even think about suicide" is that they would say. At least thats what my cousin from India said when I told him I thought about suicide. But he doesn't know at all how much of a loser I am. Maybe if I told him then he would encourage my suicide?

I don't have a suicide plan, I don't harm myself, I don't think I would commit suicide anytime soon but eventually, as everyone grows older and I keep stagnating as a loser I will. Just feel that things will get worse for me and I will eventually commit suicide, even though I have lots of time ahead of me, so much ahead of me whatever. I am very confused right now. I am the biggest loser that has ever lived.

Sigh..........:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
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Staff Alumni
Mate I know how it feels, were two peas in a pod you and I. Im not going to bullshit you, and say thats everythings gonna be ok. You and I, we have to force ourselves to take action, to make it ok. It wont come about by pure will alone...If it makes you feel any happier, look at me, Im umm let me see a decade or more older than you, and im still dealing with this shit.

I dont know all your circumstances, but I know you suffer from social anxiety, and feel very alone. Its terrible isnt it...especially at college, when your surrounded by a vibrant social scene that you just feel completely excluded from.

If you ever want to talk...my MSN is in my profile. I think we share a lot of common problems, so lets have a chat about them.
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