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What to say...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bambi, Mar 11, 2010.

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  1. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I need all the help I can get.

    A very dear friend and SF member is very insistent about killing themselves tomorrow and I don't know what to say to him. Any advice?

    We are supposed to skype shortly and I fear that I won't have the right words to say to give him hope and help him see that his life is not going to remain so painful forever.

    What is so very sad as that he has made some amazing changes in his life that will lead to happiness in time but right now he can not bear the pain and sees only pain in the future. He feels meds and therapy no longer work and that he is hopeless and incurable.

    I feel a very special connection to this guy and so want to be able to change his perspective and outlook on his life but seem unable to "get through" to him.

    Perhaps others could share what touched them in their final hours and changed their minds...what made you choose life instead of death...any thing would be appreciated guys.

    Thanks in advance for your help.
    Love Bambi
  2. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    This sounds serious. First and foremost don't disagree with him and don't fight him on his feelings, no matter how wrong you think he might be and no matter how much his feelings might scare you. He must know that you understand. If he says "but life sucks" agree with him. Don't deny him his feelings. If you do you'll only make him feel worse. Remind him of your own problems and the problems of others here who might have it many times worse and yet carry on. Of course, you know him and his problems more than us so you can go with what you might think he needs. But as I said, don't fight him, he must know you care and understand.
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i think u pretty much said waht u need to say in this post, tell him that hes made some amazing changes in his life etc, any words that come from the heart will be a good thing, jsut let him say what he needs to, and i agree with right u r ken, dont fight his feelings, as we are all well aware life sucks, we jsut have to find tht little bit of hope to get us through, there is something delaying him from doing it today, he needs to turn this energy into fighting all the overwheming feelings he is feeling right now, also different combos of meds would maybe help, but they take time to work, if he doesnt think he is going to be 'safe' in this time, maybe a hospital admission would be a good thing, a life is a life, not something that can be reborn! i think you will find the words Bambi, you are always so genuine when helping others, good luck :hug: x x
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys I am gonna need all the help I can get...I have been sure to validate his feelings as you both point out this is true and a genuine response that he deserves.

    The problem is that he has no hope...I have praised his efforts at change and tried to have him see how this is gonna pay off but he is adamant that it will not. He just shoots down everything I say and says that he has given up on meds so it is not worth trying to he says...he is incurable.

    I guess I am asking what do you say to someone that says "I give up", " I am hopeless" and "I am incurable"...this may sound harsh but I told him that he was wrong and that is was a shame that he wants to end it when I see such a different life ahead for him, I told him I was angry that on the verge of so much improvment he decides to check out and not give it time to feel good again...that I am angry he is not giving it a chance and fighting..he just says I found him too late...

    Maybe I am posting as much for myself as I am for him as I fear I am letting him down, like I am failing him as he reaches out to me....it is so hard to find the right words to get him to fight and to have hope....
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    where does he live? the reason i ask this is because there are such treatments like ECT and there is a new magnetic therapy out there as well that can be looked into. just a thought..my prayers are with you both take care
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Yes I have brought up the idea of ECT to him and he sounds open to it in a way but the trick is getting him through tomorrow...I am trying to get him to hang in there long enough to let the positive changes...new job, being clean and sober...take effect and to do a few things...new pdoc, new meds, helping others....to help himself feel good again...

    This is so hard, I have tried to get him to post but he feels he is beyond hope and there is no help out there....if he goes through with this you guys I am gonna be a mess so please pray for him and that I have the right words..
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  8. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Actually the fact that he is putting it off until tomorrow is a good sign. If he was serious he would have said "tonight". I think he's hurting and just needs someone to listen, which you are doing so you're helping for sure. But don't tell him you're angry again. Just let him talk. He may just need to let it all out. You're the shoulder to cry on. Just let him "cry", and let him know you're there for him. It's likely that's all he needs. It what most people need. So if you're doing that you doing the best anyone can do.
  9. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thinking of you both and sending good thoughts your way. As has been said let him shout vent talk till it's all out.
  10. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for your support...I think there was some divine intervention because I think he is going to fight and hang on, which of course makes me very happy.
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