We spent hours on the phone You spent so much time trying to help me After the abuse. After the rape. After the beginning of the end, And I never let you in. You said you loved me. That you shared my pain. And after so much time had passed, and so much effort was wasted, I believed you. And slowly, slowly, I allowed myself to try to get past the hurt Past the shame Past the disgrace Past the paranoria, the hatred Past the ugliest things that haunted me You were patient, you were kind, Just like what love was told to be So i returned what love was supposed to be And then. And then. And then. It was gone. I don't know what happened. You became comfortable with the idea of us Maybe you started to assume instead of see. But suddenly. I'm back alone In my room Crying on the phone to you without you knowing While you chatter on about pointless things You don't know me anymore You don't know me I'm lost Alone Trying not to hurt myself Trying not to kill myself Trying not to let you know How hurt I am So you don't get mad Trying so hard to hold it together While something inside me falls apart And decays. I love you A mistake. Will I die alone? Hopefully.