What was lost?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by malack, Jul 11, 2010.

  1. malack

    malack Active Member

    We spent hours on the phone
    You spent so much time trying to help me
    After the abuse. After the rape. After the beginning of the end,
    And I never let you in.
    You said you loved me.
    That you shared my pain.
    And after so much time had passed, and so much effort was wasted, I believed you.
    And slowly, slowly, I allowed myself to try to get past the hurt
    Past the shame
    Past the disgrace
    Past the paranoria, the hatred
    Past the ugliest things that haunted me
    You were patient, you were kind,
    Just like what love was told to be
    So i returned what love was supposed to be

    And then.
    And then.
    And then.

    It was gone.
    I don't know what happened.
    You became comfortable with the idea of us
    Maybe you started to assume instead of see.
    But suddenly.
    I'm back alone
    In my room
    Crying on the phone to you without you knowing
    While you chatter on about pointless things
    You don't know me anymore
    You don't know me
    I'm lost
    Trying not to hurt myself
    Trying not to kill myself
    Trying not to let you know
    How hurt I am
    So you don't get mad
    Trying so hard to hold it together
    While something inside me falls apart
    And decays.
    I love you
    A mistake.
    Will I die alone?