I have too much time thinking of what went wrong in my life. Now it seems that it is everything. Was there anything I did right? I can hardly say so. As far as I remember there is not a single thing that I could say that I am really proud of or happy about. For you young kids around at least there is the argument that you have the whole future ahead of you. I have a brilliant future behind me. Thinking of it is like having eaten knives for dinner. I've cut myself. This is nowhere near lethal, but feeling at least real pain makes me feel a bit alive. I imagine when I die there should be blood. Fuck this!