what when every choice is wrong?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by renthor, Jun 2, 2012.

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  1. renthor

    renthor New Member

    the place and people im here right now are destroying me, and i have the opportuinity to leave it all but it also means leaving that little part of life i still love

    i'm scared, i hate being me right now, but i'm scared that if i just leave i'll be just empty

    both choices are terrible and cant pick any of them don;t know if i wouldn't be better without me
  2. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    hugs to you renthor :hug:

    my sincere advice... leave that place
    you can come back at anytime, can't you?

    give yourself a break, and see if anything improves

    sometimes one must walk a new path. you don't know what lies ahead. but what you know for sure is living the same old life is destroying you bit by bit
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    "The Opposite" episode of Seinfeld springs to mind here, where George realises that every decision he has ever chosen in life has been wrong, sets him to do the opposite of all his instincts (which turn out to make him a huge success).
    Perhaps instead of turning you back on everything you know and love in your life now, you should try something like that for a week or a month and see where it leads you?
  4. renthor

    renthor New Member

    Thank you for answers, sorry for bothering you...

    I still don't know what to do, Right now i'm in a place where my friends are and i can take care of my passion,
    But my parents are just destroying me... these are the kind of people that are always on the negative side, no matter how succesfull you are... and they are that way for me since i was born...

    I have my own buisness and am 21 years old, for my age doing what i love for average wage is great but i can't pass the exams in univercity that they are paying for... and thats one ofm any reasons why my parents think im unsuccesfull and will end up on the street...

    this is stressfull but its not the main reason i'm here... My girlfriend lives in another country, and will not move back for at least couple of years due to school and therapy...

    we see each other like 3-4 weeks a year...

    i have a choice, a booked ticket to her, i can move and live in with her, get a minimal wage job which is more than the average in my country. but i'll have to leave my passion due to cultural reasons...

    basicly i''m reminded that i'll end up on the street and how dumb i am every day of my life... i have 3 positive things in my life, now i have to choose between passion + friend in toxic enviroment or be with my girl but all other aspects of life i now will be gone...

    no matter what i do it will end up hurting me and others....

    i got a ticket to her booked for 2 weeks from now... one week from now i'll be at a music festival in Austria, i thought about arraginging an accident there...

    i'm down for a couple of days when i had a little breakdown... for some reason having a flask with whisky and a knife with me at all times in case another breakdown happens, calms me down...

    I don't want to die, but... i'll be hurt no matter what, other which i care about will be hurt too but if i would have an accident, maybe they'dd be hurt less...
  5. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    I love this....
  6. aliengirl

    aliengirl New Member

    I often think the people around me would be better off without me. If I just wasn't here any more, so many of their problems would go away, too. The only thing that stops me sometimes is wondering what comes after -- you know, are those black shapes from Ghost Whisperer going to suck me into the netherworld if I take my own life? And what about my kid? Do I really want him to end up with the ex who mentally abused me and is still damaging my life? What if my kid found me dead? But I still think about it and wonder how much more loneliness, pain, heartache, hopelessness I can take.
  7. slam

    slam Member

    be thankful you can still make a choice, some of us don't and cant
  8. listless

    listless Banned Member

    We all face difficult choices in life. I was always a smart person and was expected to go far. But some key things happened in my life that threw a monkey wrench in my plans. Basically I should've ended up having a great career, given my brains and education...but during the best time in my life to get some high paying jobs (I had solid offers), I was pursuing a business which eventually went bust. So I went from having a shot at a very good middle to upper class life, to being at the lower end of society. I presently work in a crappy job with no status that's well below my qualifications, I have to work pretty hard at it, and even though it's white collar work and there's little chance of advancing here.

    All the best opportunities in life are behind me now-not just for careers but also for my dating life (that is I lost all those connections and don't get any more opportunities). I'm doing little right now aside from eking out a modest existence and supporting myself and my elderly retired mother. I'm at the start of my 40s and have nothing to my name except living in a hell-hole of an apartment (and trying to find a better place to live-which I can thankfully afford but it's been hard finding one in my city), while most of my friends have bought houses and gotten married.

    There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about suicide. I'm just tired of fighting and struggling to improve this bad existence. I wonder if in 5-10 years I'll be in the same rut. I only go on the hope that due to my education and talent that eventually I will land a well paying job that is more fitting of me and put my life back in high gear again. But because I'm getting much older now, there just seems less and less reason to struggle to go further in life. Even if in 5 years I'm in a middle class bracket, I don't even know if it'll be worth it. But ending my life right now isn't really a sensible option either. So I'm just going to do what I can to try to make improvements in my life as much as I hate it.
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