I've been wanting to talk to a counselor but I have never been able to express my feelings out loud. I was going to see if I could email one of the counselors from my college, but I'm scared of being put in some sort of mental hospital. Below is the letter that I've prepared, can I get an opinion on if it is a good idea to send this as an email to a counselor? The email: I’m sorry that this has to be done this way but every time I try to use my actual voice to communicate about these things I lock up and shut down. I have been to a few counselors in my past but it usually involved them talking at me while I sobbed uncontrollably into my hands for no reason. The appointments never lasted more than a few weeks before my mom would cancel them because I would not, could not, say a single word to a counselor. I don’t even know where to begin, but I need somebody to finally know how often I think about killing myself. Sometimes it’s just a few times a month, but other times it is the only thing on my mind for weeks at a time. Sometimes I imagine what it would look like if my dead body was laying there. I’ve deeply considered the different methods of suicide <Mod Edit - Methods>. I’ve never actually tried to kill myself, but if I did I would be successful. I realize that my thoughts are irrational. Sometimes I get an impulse out of nowhere that I should kill myself. Sometimes it makes me bang my head on the wall, or hit my fist hard to my chest without even considering it. When I was in high school, I made up a plan to kill myself on my 18th birthday. I even told a few of my friends about it, in some lame and desperate cry for help. I obviously didn’t go through with my plans, considering I just had my 20th birthday. I think it’s important to mention that these thoughts don’t have any foundation. What I mean is I don’t have any reasons to feel this way at all. My life is fine, I don’t have any deep dark secrets and I am pretty well off. I’m attending college for free. I have a lot of really good friends. The fact that I am so unjustified in my feelings makes it even more difficult for me to admit them out loud. Another thing that I think is important to mention is that I have self harmed in the past, without intentions of suicide. Not very often and nothing that has ever put me in any real danger, and I always regret it afterwards. I feel a terrible anxiety every single day and I have for as long as I can remember. I need to finally get some help to change my life because I don’t think I can go on feeling like this for much longer.