What would hurt less?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by bob55, Aug 25, 2012.

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  1. bob55

    bob55 Member

    What would hurt less for family and friends, finding out that a family member/friend of theirs committed suicide, have a family member/friend just disappearing without a trace or finding a family member/friend dead without ever finding out the cause of death?

    I prefer that only people that have lost someone dear to them answer.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, bob55.

    I haven't lost anyone near and dear to me in the ways that you have listed. However, I lost my mother to complications of cancer. We knew it was going to happen. She was in pain and so ill. But when she finally did pass on, it didn't lessen the grief at all. I don't think there is a "good" or "better" way to leave those who care about us. It will always hurt.

    If you are hoping to find out how best to "leave" your own near and dear ones, maybe instead you could try to figure out how to make staying a good option? I don't know what you're circumstances are, but I would be happy to listen. :hug:
  3. Slothbear

    Slothbear Well-Known Member

    Personally i think that knowing the the outcome is better.

    I know of someone who just disappeared and never came back. While there were sightings of this person that suggests his death they don't can't really ultimately say for sure. His family is deeply religious and won't accept the suggested outcome anyway. They continue to search and search for him. I feel that if he had been more clear to his family about the ultimate outcome of his disappearance perhaps his family would be able to at least be at rest from searching.

    Of course neither are painless for family members and friends.
  4. TigerStripev2

    TigerStripev2 Account Closed

    Having lost a friend in the past to Suicide I can say it tore me to peices and it drove one of her sister's to Alcohol. I'd of rather she talked to me than just do what she did It made me so Angry at her I couldn't express it with words. Neither outcome will make friends or family feel better if someone dissappears there is no closure and if someone does commite Suicide then the friends and family feel guilt and anger that they wern't able to/trusted enough to help.

    I don't belive either hurt's less. Pain is enevitable.
  5. Buddy66

    Buddy66 Member

    I had a friend who committed suicide. We all could guess, but didn't know for sure why and I think we all wanted that for closure.When I do it, I'll let those who need to know why..and where I will be found so that the moving on financially of my will can be done as soon as possible to help them out that way.
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are far better ways to help them if you care about them - simply get help for yourself now instead of worrying about how to make it "less painful" for them as it is not the mechanics of the aftermath that matter but their lifelong guilt of feeling they failed you which is the issue.
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