What would u do

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by hardlife, Nov 25, 2011.

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  1. hardlife

    hardlife Well-Known Member

    I'm still wondering if I should come out to my friends about my pedophilia diagnosis. But it's scary. How would you react if it was a good friend of yours?
     
  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I saw your thread about being banned from chat has been moved!
    Where to? Does that mean it's not up for discussion?
     
  3. hardlife

    hardlife Well-Known Member

    It was moved to management so only staff can read it.
     
  4. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Did you get a satisfactory explanation from the mods?
     
  5. hardlife

    hardlife Well-Known Member

    I'm waiting right now, thanks.
     
  6. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I don't know what you spoke about in chat because I wasn't there but if you said something too graphic then maybe they are justified. However if you are being shunned purely for revealing you have inappropriate thoughts about children then I'm disgusted.
     
  7. hardlife

    hardlife Well-Known Member

    I only told them I was attracted to children. And I pointed out that I wasn't a sex offender or anything. Before I revealed this I enjoyed the chat and I was also trying to help others with their issues.
     
  8. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Well I eagerly await to hear how they plan to keep everybody "Safe" from the people on here who haven't got the honesty to reveal themselves in the way you have.
     
  9. hardlife

    hardlife Well-Known Member

    Thats true. I hate not being trusted and being considered dangerous to others when I KNOW that i'm a good guy. It's so hurtful.
     
  10. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. Unfortunately people tend to equivocate between the desire and the act, merely appropriating their disgust proactively for the former. And in the end the only things that can be done if revealed is to take steps to assuage their own fears of the act taking place and condemn the desire (often condemning the person along with it). Although, of course, I can never condone fulfillment of the desire, I do know that it's all too easy for many to judge a person based on the cards they've been dealt.
     
  11. tx915

    tx915 Active Member

    Well it's a good thing you've been diagnosed before you've acted on it. A good thing you're, hopefully, going to stay in counseling for a long time. Some of my colleagues work with sex offenders and have found some types of aversion therapies successful, sometimes, in this matter.

    Here's some real honesty coming. Please don't be offended.

    Part of me thinks that you should keep this private as long as you are complying with treatment and in counseling.

    The other part of me thinks you should let people know so they can keep tabs on you around their kids or kids in general. You may be a "good guy" but even good people do very bad things. We're human.
     
  12. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member


    So in other words he should act like a pedo and be secretive and ashamed because it makes others feel uncomfortable? Or take the other part of your advice and pre warn anybody with children so they can keep their children out of his reach?
    So which is it? I actually think it's commendable that someone would be so honest as to reveal something society finds so sickening yet won't discuss.
    It's no wonder that potential pedophiles don't seek help when your gonna wind up being treated like a leper.
    I'm so glad I'm checking out in the new year,I despair of the human race when their compassion only extends so far and others will be excluded if their problem makes people uneasy.
     
  13. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with the above. It is worth noting that aversion therapies only deal with behaviors, not the sexual inclinations themselves. Chances are if they were willing to undergo therapy in the first place they were people who were already fighting their obsessive thoughts to avoid acting upon them. Even if their therapies are "successful" they still have desires that they have to perpetually keep buried and locked away within their own hearts, a skeleton in the closet that threatens to come back to life and break out at any moment. Such is the condition where the victims themselves are often treated as criminals that need to be rehabilitated.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2011
  14. tx915

    tx915 Active Member

    I stand by my statement. Most pedophiles don't seek help because they plan on victimizing children. I can see that this is going to be an explosive topic. Personally, I wouldn't want my 3 young kids around an admitted pedophile. It should be expected that people will react badly to this.

    It is true compassion only does extend so far, and mine does not extend to rapists and pedophiles. I can't help that :) Given that this guy hasn't acted on anything, yet and hopefully won't, there's a bit more caring than there would be normally.

    It should also be noted that many people on forums like these are dealing with child sexual abuse and having someone talk about being sexually attracted to children can be majorly triggering and bring out the strongest of emotions. If a person came on here and said "i've been obsessed with raping someone lately" the response would not be good either.
     
  15. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    It's ok saying "my compassion doesn't extend to pedophiles" but did you know in a lot of cases it's a continuing cycle of abuse and that an abuser was often the abused? I also don't have compassion for "rapists and pedophiles" but we are talking about somebody who has the thoughts and not somebody who has touched a child. How many other people on here have simular thoughts but wouldn't admit to it? To get back to the point tho this person has been banned from chat for revealing his illness and the cause of his mental anguish! To keep people safe from a predator is the reason but this guy is the 00.1% who admit to the thoughts and haven't acted on them. My point is how are you going to keep everybody on here safe from the sexual predators on here who haven't revealed themselves of which there will undoubtedly be some? Seems that admitting to inappropriate feelings towards children is not the thing to do so my advice to other pedophiles on here is to keep up the pretence that you are not one. Carry on being secretive and harbouring those dark thoughts because society will not wanna hear what you have to say.
     
  16. tx915

    tx915 Active Member

    Actually that's not a correct assumption that all abusers have been abused. During my training at the rape crisis center we had people from the justice department debunk that by statistics. Although some have, sexual abuse does not necessarily make a sex abuser. You're still completely not acknowledging that people may be triggered by this ".1%". Perhaps there are better places to talk about pedophilia. Like therapy and support groups. Not places where people are in dire emotional conditions and who very well may have been impacted by a pedophile. You're arguing for his freedom to talk about gaining excitement from children? I don't see how that's appropriate anywhere but in the most controlled and safe places.

    By the way all of our banter is off topic. He asked for what would we do in regards to telling our friends. I answered and you jumped on my answer and now we're in this endless loop that isn't going to convince the other either way :p We could end this now and agree to utterly disagree on this issue.

    <3
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2011
  17. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Yeah erm do you see what you've done there? You've made the schoolboy error of misquoting me and ya see when that happens it kind of discredits your comeback. At what point do I say all pedophiles were themselves abused? Many people may be triggered by many things on here and I wouldn't expect this person to keep mentioning the fact.Your forgetting the fact that this guy is in dire emotional torment for having these thoughts. Also to any women out there who in the months following giving birth, may have had thoughts about
    harming your baby,please keep any stuff like that to yourself coz I dont wanna hear it. Go see a therapist coz this Is not the place for it. Any drunks on here that have ever been violent towards others in fact anyone whose had violent thoughts towards others please remove yourself from this site as you could trigger people who have suffered violence. Thankyou all for your compliance. Love and hugs to you all
     
  18. tx915

    tx915 Active Member

    Erm, when you said it's often a cycle of abuse with the abusee becoming the abuser? Pretty clear. Anywho, it's okay you can be the cheerleader for pedophiles :) I'm done with this conversation. It's best if we agree to disagree and leave it at that. This conversation is not going to go anywhere but further downhill. Much <3
     
  19. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Yeah often is not all,go consult your dictionary!
    Oh I'm not a cheerleader for pedophiles so button it with crappy comments like that. I'm a cheerleader against hypocrisy in all it's guises wherever I find it.
     
  20. hardlife

    hardlife Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your understanding. I guess you are right it's their fear and probably a dose of disgust. What I have dealt with for all these years is how can I be such a terrible person. As I said I'm in treatment, but it's mostly about my other issues DUE to the pedophilia.
     
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