Right a warning now, this may take the form of utter rubbish but I will try my best to get it out in a calm way. Since I was little my mum has has depression, so I grew up with her suicidal thoughts etc etc. When I was 14 she died (we're not sure what of!) I've never had a good relationship with my dad and my brother and sister have always been rocky with me aswell. I went off to uni to study to be a mental health nurse but while I was there I was raped, my "friends" didn't believe it had happened and branded me a liar. I was trying to cope with their abuse, the memories of the physical abuse, my mum's death ( I haven't gotten over it) and on top of all of that I was trying to get through my degree. Things reached a breaking point for me, I broke up with my boyfriend and moved back home. I started getting help and met someone new, this relationship was rocky from day 1. In 2 months I had taken 2 overdoses and self harmed many times. Yesterday my boyfriend broke it off with me via text message and it has hit me hard. It's bought up a lot of the feelings I had before and I can't shake any of the bad thoughts I have, like going to the station and jumping in front of a train or jumping off the carpark or even taking another overdose. I have just come out of my Care Programme meeting and my medication has been changed to venlafaxine. My psychiatrist told me not to overdose on these so they must be able to do something, which has got me thinking. Do I pretend to take them and store them up untill I think I have enough to take an overdose and really die or do I take them and hope I get better? At the moment I feel there is no light in my life, I have nothing to live for. My shrink says I need to live for myself but I hate who I am. I feel I am a failure and a waste of time and space. I am just asking if anyone would do/has done what I am thinking of or if anyone has any advice on how to cope with it. I am worried about either decision being the wrong one.