Hi Everyone, I'm new here and I wish just to post my story cos I've got no-one to talk to cos my close ones can't understand how I feel and I can't relate well verbally about my situation to them. I am having very severe major depression and I 'feel' different from normal (detached) and have lost all confidence in myself and is having anxiety attacks and my legs feel wobbly & light. Suicidal thoughts have started to play in my mind as I don't see a way out of my hopeless situation. My depression is caused by my career. I've had several major depressions all related to work. I am unable to adapt to negative work environments whereby manipulative people bully me all the time and I do not fight back for fear of further retribution & non-cooperation. Time and time again this has happen since I started my career in my early 20s and today I'm 35 years old and now facing this problem...again. This time, I dont know whether it will lead me to finally take my own life cos I really see no way out. The problem is I can't stand my office environment anymore due to the bullying and I have ran out of job options due to my frequent changing of jobs. Throughout my 14 years working career, whenever I land myself in a negative working environment, I would desperately attempt to change jobs without thinking of career advancement & development and accept any position offered. In the end, I worked two to three years in a different positions in different companies in different industries and as a consequence my level of experience in each position in each industry is very shallow. There is something really wrong about my personality as I cannot adapt at all to office politics and each time I face office politics, I would end up depressed until I have to resign and become jobless, feel useless and become suicidal. At my present company, I've been pushed to the wall by my colleagues to the extent that my mind goes blank and I can't even think properly. Then lately, I started getting anxiety attacks when i wake up in the wee morning hours and once I wake up, I can't fall back asleep and my mind goes wild about the work politics that I'm facing. Please do not perceive me as a weirdo when I post this thread. I have an inherent weakness in me which is I can't adapt to office politics at all. Would anyone believe that I worked in many big companies, performed very well, promoted fast and then office politics would destroy me and I end up leaving? In my twenties, it was ok cos I managed to start back as an officer/executive position again and climb back up to a manager position. So for the past 10 years, my position was officer, assistant manager, executive, manager, officer and my final two positions as manager. Two years ago, I accepted a position to start up a multinational company's dealership for a businessman and became the dealership's manager. I performed very well but the owner lost several million dollars in the stockmarket and took the almost all the funds out of the dealership's bank account. Faced with his unhappiness of paying my substantial salary, he made working life very difficult for me so much so that I simply left and jumped on to a competitor's HQ as a manager. I found out that the General Manager who gave me the job was about to retire in 2 years time and he was looking for someone to groom and the existing managers were all hoping to be his successor. AND then I joined. Coming from a big multinational competitor into a smaller rival, my immediate new colleagues felt somehow threatened and went all out to make life difficult for me so that I would resign. For 7 months I tolerated and tried to make peace with them but to no avail. I see my emotional health deteriorate from a normal individual to the one that I have become today. During this 7 months, At first I was unhappy, then i became more and more unhappy, then I became semi-depressed, then depression set it then it progressed to major depression and then suicidal thoughts set in and past few days I have started to get serious anxiety attacks and I dont feel well at all. I'm at wits end cos it so serious that I just feel like resigning 24 hours but I got no alternative job to hold on to and my resume would show that I only work 7 months and 2 years plus in the previous company. surely Human resources would be suspect that I am a rolling stone and cannot adapt well. I was thinking to come out to do a business so that I dont have to face office politics but I can't even think of anything I can do and one can't open a business for the sake of opening a business when you dont even know what business to do. All these have internalized in me and I suicidal. If you were someone like me who have runned out of options, what would you do?