Not a first timer writing about the mess I've been going through, albeit having close associations with acute social anxiety. Having lost all interest from the otherwise interested and even stupid things, fed up with my own life. Exhausted to the extent that unable to try to find meaning in anything, everyone seems a face of hypocrisy and futile fabricated sentimentality. Unable to make sense of what's going on around, having no hopes or vision for the future. Just like every other regular jerk, longing to die in sleep and never wake up ever again while throwing myself to bed. No social or physical communications whatsoever, no mates or friends, just like every troubled loner scumbag. Don't know how is it like to, doesn't even want to. Dithering with identity crisis, lost self identity. Seems like I've been living as a ghost in an alienated body, sometimes hearing psychotic voices (probably), guilt of existence. Been cutting, having compulsive urges. Never shaving beard but its difficult to maintain the bush, having trouble falling asleep and then waking. Trying not to look an anxious insane moron but unable to conceal. Unable to laugh sometimes on funny stuff at times and sometimes laughing insanely over nothing, probably thinking about that. Fed up and obsessed with Mania, autism, bipolar, depression, borderline personality, blues, self harming tendencies, angst. Still waiting for the repercussions of all the mistakes and chaos of my life. Mostly out of my mind, want to write some good stuff and always end up messing with the shit that it otherwise becomes. Slowly being eaten up by the kamikaze inside but don't really know when it's all gonna stop. So, all these are fairly common among the misfits and weirdos, nothing's gonna happen past death. Nothing's going on now either. Doesn't crave for attention. No, always! 'Cause that's why I've landed here. Why? I don't know what to say or write now, no surprises and hopes! Just living as a corpse.