I sixteen years old, and I am suicidal. I have been fighting the urge to end my life for ten years, and I have sought out many different kinds of professional help to evaluate, medicate, or lift this nagging pain off of my chest. When none of these methods helped, I turned to my parents for help. I preferred to talk to them, but they insisted that I needed to be seen by a doctor first. When I admitted to my mother, who has custody of me, that I have suicidal tendencies for the first time, she got mad at me, & started yelling at me and saying things like, "That's not my problem." and "You have to fix it yourself." I have never felt..Well, like we could care about each other, and when she said what she said, I felt like she didn't care about me at all. This is an ongoing issue, because each time after I admit to her that I feel that way, she just said, "I can't deal with it anymore! Get out! God, you're such a f*****g b***h to everyone! I can't stand you!" These tirades end with me in tears, and my mom shouting slander from down the hall. When I first admitted to my dad that I felt this way, He got angry at me and told me to stop frustrating my mom, and something along the lines of, "You need Jesus! That's not normal! Maybe if you read the bible instead of fighting with your mom, you'll find a purpose in life instead of always talking about how you're gonna kill yourself." I have read the bible. I go to Church. I don't talk about my suicidal urges unless one of my parents ask me what's wrong. Up until now, I have refused to even think about it while I am in the presence of another person. I have attempted to kill myself several times, but I feel like I can't disrespect my parents by dying too close to them. I don't want them to have to clean me up. My face, legs, and wrists are covered in scars, and while most heal quickly, the marks on my wrist won't fade. I have sought out counseling at school, and I have failed there as well. Kids always make fun of me because my dad is quadriplegic, and because I always looks tired and my face is covered in scars. They tell me that I look like s**t and I am worth less than them because I am not Asian or White. I am actually both, and I am also Black. I feel like I can't talk about it at school with my friends or any of my teachers because everyone always has their opinion about what I should have done to prevent things from happening as they do. I am one human being, I can't do it all. Is that fair? I have three brothers and I am the only one who tries to keep things from getting out of hand at home. I feel voiceless at home. I feel like a stranger. When I try to help any of my brothers, they glare at me or start yelling, like my mom does. I always think that things will get better if I hold on and put on a poker face for them until I can leave and get out of their lives, but then I remember that my other siblings hate our parents, and one of us has to take care of them in their twilight years. I have no passion in life and the only reason I still attend school is so that I can get a good enough job to care for my parents when they get old. I want the see a brighter day, but I just feel like I can't hold out much longer, not even for my parents. I'm at wits end--I don't know what to do, or if I am just crazy as hell. I hope I am not. That would just be the worst. Any advice would be immensely appreciated.