Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Spearmint, Feb 24, 2008.

  1. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I'm just a stupid fucking BITCHY C.U.N.T. and everyone knows it.
    If you don't like me, don't fucking act like it.

    I'm not allowed to be in a fucking bad mood, because then people get offended.

    Maybe I should act like an attention whore and do the fucking " :cry: " emote all the damn time, then maybe people will like me.

    Ugh, fuck this.

    (And I do not care if people get offended by this post, because you know what, I shouldn't have to give a fuck about people if they don't give a fuck about anyone else.)
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    :hug: jess. I love you.
  3. ColdSummer

    ColdSummer Well-Known Member

    you are not, that's just how you see yourself. There is nothing wrong with steamy some heat every now and then, some ppl will get ofended but that is their issue.
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I don't want to make a new thread, so I'm going to post this here. Someone had me rant and vent in an e-mail to them, and I'm going to post it here. It's probably not going to make any sense, but whatever.

    It's not that I don't like talking to people. Truth is, I have no fucking idea of what to say, I bottle everything up and stuff it so far down that I just don't know how to say anything. I just feel like I shouldn't waste anyone's time, because there are people out there that have it much worse than I do, and they don't act like I do. They deal with it fine and here I am, pathetically cutting and burning myself up, being selfish and self-indulgent. I am a pathetic person, I can't do anything right, and it's not so much of a thing like, I don't know how to do it, it's just I don't apply myself enough to do it, and that alone is ridiculous. All I ever feel like doing is hurting myself and sleeping, and I can't even sleep. I have to rely on medication to live. That is ridiculous. I am only 15 years old, and I have to rely on medication to make me live. And the medication I'm on right now isn't doing much, in fact, I feel like I've been sliding slowly downward for the past few months, but I can not tell anyone, because I don't want to disappoint anyone. I can't disappoint people anymore, I just can't. I keep telling myself that it might get better once I'm 18 and out of this house, but I severely doubt it. I feel like once I'm out on my own, even more pressure is going to drive me to suicide, and I can't take that feeling. The feeling that if I don't achieve something, I'm worthless. To be honest I think the only reason I'm still alive is because of my animals, and that's sad. I've slowly cut off all contact with my friends, and they haven't bothered to contact me either, so I can't say I'm the only one who has cut off contact, but you know, I'm only 15, I should have some sort of life, but I don't, this fucking mood disorder bipolar depression shit has taken everything away from me. I used to be fine, I used to have tons of friends and I was happy and bubbly and likable. But now I'm not fine, I have hardly any friends left, and I am not likable. And that is ridiculous. I shouldn't be cutting myself up, I shouldn't be thinking of suicide, I shouldn't, I shouldn't. I also think that I have let the rape and abuse affect me so much that it's made me like, inept to do anything, mentally, physically, etc. And that just makes me feel worse. The constant flash backs, the constant looking over my shoulder in fear, fuck, fearing going anywhere by myself is getting ridiculous. I feel like i have separation anxiety, but I don't know. I become attached to people and then they leave me. That's why I refuse to let anyone get too close, I just can't do that to myself anymore. Either I pull away, or they pull away, or whatever, but it's still ridiculous. I miss my old self, and I think everyone else does too, but I can't be my old self, and it's not for lack of trying. I just don't see the point in anything anymore, at all. I try to pick myself up from whatever it is that's holding me down, and it just grips tighter. I would like to get the fuck over it, and over myself, but I can't, I just can't do it. I know that no one is supposed to say they can't do anything, but whatever, I feel like I can't do anything, I can't achieve anything. I can't talk to anyone. I can only hurt myself and others. I can only fuck up my life, and be a stupid fucking cow. I am ridiculous, I am an absolute zero, and that's that.
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    :hug: I'm glad you posted this hun. Glad you got it out. You know what I said on MSN stands true. Don't bottle things up hun.
  6. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Sausageface :hug: Don't it feel good to get it out? Momma know, baby. Momma know. :unsure:

    :arms: :hug: Hang in there.
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Lots of :hug: 's
  8. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Thanks, peeps, wasn't in that great of a mood when I posted this..:shy: