I just want to rant about how much i dislike myself. And I dislike myself for disliking myself, because what have I really got to complain about. I saw an angle of myself n a mirror laast night that made me realize, made me SEE how fat I am. I hate it b/c I look disgusting and b/c its a lack of willpower. I can't seem to stop eating sugar. I'm disgusting and my clothes don't fit. I keep putting more in the too small pile. F***. I had lost so much weight and now I look like every other person who just gains back plus 5. But I think off meds i wouldn't have gained it back. And without my foot problems which limit my mobility and blah blah blah. I just wish it weren't true. and i know how hard and long it was to lose it last time. I don't have the will to do that again. When i hit 200, i'm going off the meds. That should be in about 11 days or so. lol. I'm a pig. I cut myself no slack. My weight is what is bothering me today and the mess my apartment is. Can't seem to keep up. And it's really tiny and there's only me. And it's not like i'm busy with friends all the time with no time leftover to pick up. I'm very upset today. Very. If I get something done will I feel better? maybe. i'm going to at least do the dishes before i crawl back into bed. Want to cut myself, want to cry, want to lose 60 pounds. even the smileys aren't cheering me up. please, no one tell me to get off my fat ass, get moving and stop eating everything in sight. i know that. i do. apparently, i just like to feel sorry for myself.