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What's happened to me?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Soda, Jun 7, 2009.

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  1. Soda

    Soda Account Closed

    One day, I was thinking of how bored I was, and just kept on doing it, since like always, I had nothing to do. I was in bed, looking at the ceiling, staying still, thinking about how I could fix my boredom. Like always, I couldn't come up with an answer. I kept thinking, for the whole day, only getting out of bed for meals. Like all the time, when I think for too long, I just give up. Then I started thinking how much it sucked being bored. My suicidal feelings became stronger like it always does whenever I think like this.

    Then I started crying. I was thinking that I couldn't commit suicide because I was too scared, but I needed to die so bad. Actually, no it wasn't crying. Tears were just falling out of my eyes, and like always, I try to keep calm as possible, so I was just trying to look normal, even though nobody was looking at me. It's one of my habits. The effort I put into this made me feel very tired, so I slept.

    The next day (Sunday) I tried to make myself feel better. I looked up porn. But it just wasn't the same. It didn't make me feel better. I didn't enjoy watching it. It was a waste of time. Then I had a go at looking at anime. I actually got interested in it, and found something to do. Later on, I left the house to hang with my friends and socialise. But it was really boring. And all the girls who I thought were hot weren't hot anymore. In fact, after a while, I realised I simply lost my feelings for girls. I still tried to act like myself by making jokes and stuff. But, I couldn't think funny anymore. Either that, or I didn't find my jokes funny. My nature also had changed. My friends worked that out as soon as they saw me. I was so much more calmer and became much less lively.

    Could anyone explain to me what happened, if possible?
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hi, that sounds like depression. If you look up the symptoms of depression, feeling bored, disinterested, crying a lot, feeling suicidal, not enjoying things are all there. I think you should go to your doctor or tell someone how you're feeling because you can get over depression with the right treatment.
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