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What's holding you back from suicide?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hulahoon, Nov 7, 2006.

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  1. hulahoon

    hulahoon Guest

    Many people on this board are living very unhappy unfulfilled lives - why are you staying alive if you dont want to? Is it religious reasons, fear of hurting your family, ect.? Do you feel that there might be hope?

    I feel, as I'm sure many of you do, that I'm 'forced to stay alive.' I wish I could just go to my doctor and get a prescription of <mod edit: bunny - methods> or something and end this horrid hellish nightmare of an existence.
    It's 2006 and we still don't have a humane ethical treatment of those that want to die - unbelievable

    Personally, I'm very afraid of hurting my family. I don't want to think about my parents agonizing over my death crying day in and day out. I mean, they know the exact reasons of why I want to die, but I dont think that they have yet thought through that I actually will kill myself.

    You see, I'm a 22 year old male college student (NYU-Stanford), I have never had a girlfriend or anything approximating it. I, at 5'5", am far too short to ever consider getting a girlfriend or mate. I noticed a pattern on this board that many of the suicidal guys here are suicidal because they cannot get girlfriends because they are too short. The truth isn't pretty, but it's true that all girls hate short men. It's a complete deal breaker. Throughout my adolescence I have had a horrible acne problem that scarred me mentally. So in high school besides being the shortest male in the school I had the worst acne. I truly wish that my parents never had me - they should have been sterilized or something. We'll now I dont really have any acne at all but I missed out in the experimental part of my life where I should have been dating and cultivating social skills. All my current friends are just losers - none of them even go to college and are content with living in crappy apartments and working crappy jobs.

    And if love is the greatest thing anyone can experience and I can't (because I'm deemed too short) then whats the point of even living? I see all these happy guys toting all these girls under their arms with a quality of life that I would give anything for. Being this short I feel like I'm drowning - I feel like a little kid - like I will never ever be taken seriously by anyone.

    I am an atheist and after chatting with some neuroscientists on the prospects of an afterlife I am 99.9999% sure that there is nothing there - a blissful non existance - a dreamless sleep. I am totally comfortable with that. Consciousness is such a terrible curse that I find myself sleeping any time I can. I'm a senior in college now and I have never had any college friends throughout my college years before and after transferring schools.

    What I can say is this - all these kids at the good schools have had happy good lives. And all of them look good. I used to think I'd find 'nerdy' kids in schools like Stanford, Yale, and such - the truth is is that those nerdy kids do not end up in such schools. Its so unfair. Attractive people build the necessary skills to become very successful people wheras nerds like me have the brainpower but none of the social skills. All the kids that got into Stanford came from homes where they were cultivated to be handsome, smart, and efficient -they will become successful people - I will, however, end up working at fuckin McDonalds because I have no social skills. This existence is truly a grueling hell for me.
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2006
  2. poeticxxxtragedy

    poeticxxxtragedy Active Member

    though i may be young, i know how you feel. really<3.
  3. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    i dont think thats true, i sure dont hate short guys, i dont judge people by how they look, if i wanted a boyfriend who i was with would be based on if we were happy together

    i know i cant be the only girl like me out there :unsure:

  4. Flatliner

    Flatliner Guest

    I always thought girls just wanted a guy that was taller than them, not necessarily "tall" in a general sense.
  5. That's hitting the nail on the head. That's exactly the only reason I'm still here.

    Don't u just hate those kids... They were raised great without a care in the world, and all we got was a crap load of problems.

    That's true to an extent. I'm not to short.. (i'm average height), and I look fine... but I've never had a gf either. I've seen short ugly dudes get girls just because they have good social skills.
  6. LeaveMeAlone

    LeaveMeAlone Well-Known Member

    I really, really don't know. I guess i'm just a coward.
  7. special_needs

    special_needs Well-Known Member

    i think im afraid that it hurts (ironic, isnt it?).... and also because there is a special girl, that when i think about her, i just cant think about suicide...
  8. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    What's holding me back from suicide?

    The small hope I have that things will get better.
  9. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    To start, I am somewhat like you, but I won't get into details about me. I've learned to change my physical and other issues as best I can, and it's made big differences for me.

    I have to disagree here. I have a friend who's married to a short guy. She once told me that she did not marry him for his looks, but rather for his personality and good heart. He really is a good guy, and that's something YOU can do something about. It will take a conscious effort, and then you need to get girls to know this, and being at the right places at the right time also helps. It's significantly in your control.

    Also, don't judge people's happiness by what you see. I've known people with great lives who let me in on their hardships after I got to know them. Sometimes we find this out when someone commits suicide and we say something like "...but they were always so happy...", and other times people do let us know. But in most cases we have no idea, so we assume we got the crappy deal in life. FWIW, I admire those that can deal with a really crappily-dealt hand, and wish I get the strength to do so.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2007
  10. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    To answer the subject question, there are a few reasons...I was a bit afraid of hurting others but now think they'll get over it, since I'm not on great terms with my family now. I mainly now wonder what people will think of me when I go...will they see me as a pussy for chickening out? And I need to decide that it's the best path for me still.
  11. immure

    immure Account Closed

    i am holding someone back i have saved him more then once. i will do it again if i have to. because i believe the organic brain as any organic material can experience default. and as all other systems comunicate with what the have eg. stomach stomach ache, nosea, alser,tumer so does the brain it uses its mind to comunicate with perseption and behavior. my sound hopeful advice is get a team ur dr. andprofessional counsler time workin together. research and question. it is something that profeesionals won t act hastley on notr should they. for organicly speakin on a neroutransmitter lvl some drugs are agonist and others antagonist. some support and some shut down. as well some therepy is the primary approuch for lack of appropriate technoligy they use our greatest resource the mind. helping one work new ways. solution focused. the" so what" facter and the "oops" facter as our phycoligist puts it.in computer talk there tryin to rebout the system. this is where exercise and nutritent become something to seriously consider. for we are living organic beings we have a 7 yr cycle of cell age i heard.
    so what we eat does matter. and exersice is like this at moderate wich is 3-6 times a week reachin a 70 % out put "hard to talk" for 20 -60 min with a balance weight trainin toppin.(easy to work in) this will realease lipo protiens that go through the blood and carey out the bad. the next lvl u can go it flashes of all out effort till u feel ur energy system change ur breathing will intensify to a more fuel serving mode we need oxygen to carry energy to our muscles and into action. anyway when u do this apperently a flood gate is released of those live saving army that carries the bad away. any way i totally went off.
  12. _nu

    _nu Well-Known Member

    hmmm, shortness is a problem for me too, or at least compared to all the tall rich handsome happy buff social smart charismatic and generally ideal guys who live around me in this dorm. but, i dont think that height is a depending factor in picking up the ladies, i just think it helps.

    i want to kill myself, but i just dont think i'm ready b/c i'm young, and it's only my first year of college. when i think about it, i cant really be sure if i will ever kill myself, because if i fail college, things will get a lot easier. i think that this "growing" state of improving my education and working towards a long-term goal is really causing my problems. so it would have to be an outside factor that would cause me to commit suicide on my way to my tormenting goal. like a girlfriend breaking up with me or an STD or a mental problem or a great loss of something valuable or some kind of anger. i mean, yeah, it seems like such a small thing when you look at that alone, but it is heartbreaking, and when you dont really care for your life as it is, why would anyone want to be so exhausted and pained by things that just lead to more chances of pain.

    maybe a "successful life" is just a goal to keep people living, because i dont think anyone has a successful life until they're dead. and then theyre dead.imagine not having any goals. no standards. nothing to fucking worry about. it doesnt exist in the real world (except of what i've heard of taoism, hence the reason i'm so interested but it isnt working). it only seems posible in death. so why not? because to live is programmed in my brain.
  13. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Thats what I thought...and theres bound to be woman under 5,5.

    Your young though at 22, youve got probably some of your best years ahead of you. Its far too early to contemplate suicide out of lonelyness. Im not going to lie to you though, love is probably one of the most important, and wonderful experiences you can have in life...a life without any hope of love would be really difficult to take...by like I said, your young.

    For whats its worth im in a similar situation, and im quite a bit older than you. I look at it very simply now...

    A) I can NOT kill myself, and watch the world develop, live a life, enjoy food...and all the small pleasures, possibly find love, enjoy sex, all that good stuff lol ...OR

    b) I can kill myself now, having absolutely no idea what comes after this, if anything at all...Why turn myself into garden manure, which is possibly all there is? Your dead and thats it..nothing comes after..no afterlife, nothing. Nobody knows right?

    Im choosing option A for now...
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2006
  14. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am the sameway. I go by the personality and chimistry....you're not the only one like that bunny girl. :) I am too, I could careless how someone looks on the outside, it's the inner beauty. :hug:

    Don't feel bad..not all people are so superficial.....you'll find someone. :yes:
  15. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member


    Sound like you might have social anxiety disorder. Suprisingly there are many men who have never had girlfriends (inculding myself, I'm 24).

    I recommend you check out http://www.socialphobiaworld.com This topic comes up very often, and many of the members, including myself, can understand what you're going through. Search through the forum topics and you will find at least a couple of threads devoted entirely to never having had a girlfriend. My name there is Lonelyheart.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2006
  16. Syd

    Syd Guest

    The only thing that keeps me alive is the hope that I might be able to change the world for the better, so that others won't have to suffer as I have. I've given up trying to live a normal life now, I realize I'm too different. I've seen friends grow up, relatives get older, people move away, get married, the cycle of life continues around me; I feel like a stone in the middle of a field of grass that's constantly growing, dying, changing around me. I'm just here to find and expose the truth, and pass on the information I've learned before I die, to make life easier and more enjoyable for those who come after me.
  17. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    guilt. plus its not the time. yet.
  18. When you've accepted that you're going to kill yourself, why not hang around and see what happens? What have you got to lose?

    BTW, I'm a guy, I'm 24, and I've never had a girlfriend or anything close. Add me to your list. Why do you find it surprising to discover that the social stereotype is a lie?
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2006
  19. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What keeps me alive:

    my kids
    unwilling to hurt those I love by hurting myself
    doing unto others as I would have done unto myself

    Every kind thing, no matter how small, that I do for another makes me feel better. So that's two of us.


  20. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    For me, there is the pain, but that's exactly why I'm here still, but still deciding.

    I didn't up to 22, then started exercising. No, not a Rocky work-out, but some regular walks and once-a-week with some weights at home. Also stopped some eating over-indulgences, but not all. I didn't become the hulk, but just a regular guy, rather than the obese kid I was. First girlfriend was at 23, and that lasted a couple years.

    FWIW, I was once told by a female friend that women want men that can be good husbands and fathers. If they are not physically perfect, that's not a problem, unless it's something they can change, as that shows that they can't even care for themselves. Only flipside to this is that given a choice (of men they don't know), they'll usually start with the better looking ones. But once they know you, it's easy after that.
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