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What's holding you back from suicide?

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#41
I kinda feel the same way about being forced be alive. I know how my parents would react, and i don't want that for them. I also know how ya feel, i''m 20 years old, college student(iowa state), and 5'8". So we are pretty much in the same boat.
 
#42
What's holding me back from suicide?

A promise I made to my best friend a long time ago.

Fear that it will be a mistake I will forever regret.
 
J
#43
I'm surprised I haven't replied to this sooner.

I wish I could say there's a lot of things holding me from hurting myself and trying to end my own life. But I guess I can't say that as I've attempted a few times since I joined this place. Half assed as they may be... I guess I didn't just full out take a gun put it to my head and pull the trigger... etc. is because I in fact *do* have reasons.. though I struggle with myself enough to the point where I try to come up with something to justify doing this to those I care about that *are* the ones that keep me from succeeding..

I guess you can say I have guardian angels that when these people aren't with me.. they are in some sense. I'm not a religious person at all. but I guess since I was little and saw Angel In The Outfield.. I believe lol. heh. stupid as that may sound. But my reasons (whether they believe they are or not): My friends (they should know who they are) that's including all y'all here.. and anyone I know online. In real life. and those I've lost. My family (partially.. unfortunate that I can only say partially). The things in life that I can NEVER lose interest or love in..


:unsure:
 
#45
I'm afraid of going to hell. I'm don't want my family to hurt. I've seen how families are effected first hand when someone commits suicide. It's not pleasant in the least bit. If I was to die by "accident" however, I feel I (and they) could deal with it a lot better. So like others, I hope for things to happen. Maybe I'll die in a car crash? Maybe I'll get shot by a mugger. Anything to end my suffering here on Earth.
 

yada

Well-Known Member
#46
...All of the problems I hear about from suicidal and depressed people are related to how other humans have treated us. Don't let other people's behavior ruin your life, it's your life, fuck anyone else who mistreats you or tries to control you. No one has the right to impose on your situation, life is a gift that each of us deserve to enjoy. Each and everyone one of you deserve to be respected and loved, I believe that 100%, and society has a lot of problems right now - but that is society that is screwed up, not you. I'm here to help change society for the better in any way I can, I decided I'm not just going to give up, throw my life away, and let other people suffer.

Whereas I believe your intentions are good, you are oversimplifying things to the point where they become unbelievable and the resulting effect is to turn people away from believing you. For me, I have decided to give up on others who have treated me unfairly, just as you say. But that is my parents and immediate family. So now I have no family. And now I'm much lonlier. I have no one to turn to, and it's significantly raised my depression level.

This forum has come as a great relief in some aspects, but it hasn't solved my problem. But I somehow don't expect it to as the people here (you all) are in the same situation as me, so you don't have the answers. And I've never been one to feel better just because I hear that others feel the same way. I actually hate it when someone hears that I'm depressed and start off with stories of they know someone who had X or Y and that's worse. I sympathize with them, but that does not make me feel better. But the support is great though, and for that I'm very appreciative.

I do have a distant relative/friend that's a support person, but now I feel like I'm imposing on her life. She listens, but as I continue to feel bad it's all for the same reason, so I have nothing new to talk about or further explain my situation, so there's no more talking to be done.

Crap, now I'm crying again.
 

yada

Well-Known Member
#47
I'm afraid of going to hell. I'm don't want my family to hurt. I've seen how families are effected first hand when someone commits suicide. It's not pleasant in the least bit. If I was to die by "accident" however, I feel I (and they) could deal with it a lot better. So like others, I hope for things to happen. Maybe I'll die in a car crash? Maybe I'll get shot by a mugger. Anything to end my suffering here on Earth.
Agree. There is another part to this that bugs me. As much as I'm not on good terms with my family now, I know they would hurt more and feel guilty if I did commit suicide. And I don't want to hurt them. If I died of some other cause, or what seems like some other cause, they'd get over it easier. I'm still searching for the ideal way to wipe out my existence and any records of it so no one is affected.
 
#48
the only thing that keeps me hanging on is my friends here. THEY WON'T LET ME GIVE UP. I DON'T GET IT BUT THEY WON'T. all i can say is this had better work out cause i'm not feeling it right now.
 
N

non_existence

#49
Other than the pain it would inflict on my parents, there were many different things that held me back from suicide over the last 5 years. The first 2 years it was the fact that if I stay alive then I can watch porn & ejaculate every day. Next 2 years it was computer games & occational drug use. For the last year and until forever it's the knowedge that rebirth & karma are real: I need to accumulate as much positive karma as I can before I die to prevent lower rebirth [hell,ghost,animal] and hopefully take a good rebirth without much suffering.
 
#51
Whereas I believe your intentions are good, you are oversimplifying things to the point where they become unbelievable and the resulting effect is to turn people away from believing you. For me, I have decided to give up on others who have treated me unfairly, just as you say. But that is my parents and immediate family. So now I have no family. And now I'm much lonlier. I have no one to turn to, and it's significantly raised my depression level.
I'll hope to correct the mistake, then. How is what I said oversimplifying? Our emotional states are directly the result of interaction with other humans, no gimmicks, no scapegoats like blaming drugs or bad genes, that's the simple truth. When I say that we need to realize the social sources of our depression and anxieties, I'm not just saying that we should think in terms outside of the culture we grew up in, or free ourselves from relationships that are harmful.. I'm saying people will have to replace the old friendships with new ones.. ammends with old friends and family can happen at later points as well, but independence is what people here truly need. People need to understand that we aren't powerless.

The point is - the solution is within you, it's within me, it's within all of us. Seeing a therapist, making new friends, etc.. you need these new people to help bring out the good part of you, the therapist in particular will help bring out your own solutions and answers, rather than providing it for you as some people expect. People generally aren't going to be able to do all of this quickly, it happens gradually, and of course every case is different - but everyone here on this board who is discussing their problems is already doing the right thing, whether they realize it or not.

It surely doesn't seem that way to people because of their current mind states, but you know - we just don't give ourselves enough credit sometimes. I think everyone here who's simply participating has proven that they want to live simply in their action on this board alone. I would go so far as to say that anyone who has posted has the willpower and potential to live an enjoyable life. Why do I say this? Simple, anyone who doesn't have enough willpower to live would have killed themselves by now, rather than posting on an internet forum.
 

yada

Well-Known Member
#52
I'll hope to correct the mistake, then. How is what I said oversimplifying? ...
I think it's cause you made is sound like we're individuals who don't need people. You've clarified that a bit more here, but the fact is that we need other people in our lives. And certain specific people. This is why I am here (and I believe most is not all others on this forum). To find understanding and acceptance. We want others to empathize with us. That's just plain human nature. Since I have not found it (acceptance and understanding) from the people I physically know, I've come to a community that should understand how I feel. We can't replace some people in our lives, such as our parents, our children, etc. But rather we need to try to work within the flaws and issues of the people we've already developed relationships with and it's human nature to try to change those things in other people to be tolerable by us. In rare cases, I believe, would it be so bad that the best answer is to disassociate from such people.



The point is - the solution is within you, it's within me, it's within all of us. Seeing a therapist, making new friends, etc.. you need these new people to help bring out the good part of you, ...
I used to think that people with psycological problems just needed to snap out of it, cause it's in their heads, but today in my current depressed state, I eat those words. It's not that easy to someone who's depressed and unmotivated.



... I would go so far as to say that anyone who has posted has the willpower and potential to live an enjoyable life. Why do I say this? Simple, anyone who doesn't have enough willpower to live would have killed themselves by now, rather than posting on an internet forum.
Speaking for myself only, I have the will to live and know it will be a tough fight from here on. I'm just trying to get some enlightenment from others in a similar situation as to whether it's worth the fight to do so. I've been picturing us all as beans in a jar lately. Wondering whether I should stop being selfish and thinking of just one bean (myself) only, or if I should think of the bigger system. The whole jar of beans. Realizing that I am just one of these beans and if I am not making an impact to the other beans or to the jar, then I should just get out now and stop consuming precious resources. Beans will continue to leave the jar and beans will come back in the jar, so one insignificant missing bean is not an issue.
 
E

ealdc

#53
~Fear of God and going to hell if God does exist
~I love my mom, sisters and dog too much to hurt them
...

That's about it right now.

Oh, and you guys;)
 
N

nothing-

#54
Ugh... I have to agree with you there. I don't know if God exists, but its always in the back of my mind. Family thing too, yeah... no way I could put my family through that kind of thing.

It kinda sucks when you don't have a better reason to live though. :P
 
#55
To be honest. I'm looking for a method. I'm not worried about friends. I don't have any that I'm close to that they coudn't get over it. I don't have a best friend or anything. There's only people I work with, and I only do stuff with them occasionally. As for my family, it would bother my mom. I have two brothers, I don't even talk to, so they're not a problem. My father and I don't get along at all, I'm not worried about him. I have some concern for my Mom, and she holds me back sometimes.


In my worst states, however, the pain overshadows all of it. I always seem to some to the conclusion that it would be ridiculous of me to stay alive for 1 person. I know I would do it in a second if anything happened to my Mom. I don't know. It just seems like when the worst of it comes, The pain eclipses all. I feel like I have mind cancer, and the case is terminal, nothing can stop it now.
 
N

non_existence

#56
"The psychoanalytic theories of suicide prove, perhaps, only what was already obvious: that the processes which lead a man to take his own life are at least as complex and difficult as those by which he continues to live. The theories help untangle the intricacy of motive and define the deep ambiguity of the wish to die but say little about what it means to be suicidal, and how it feels." - A. Alvarez, The Savage God, 1971


To be honest. I'm looking for a method. I'm not worried about friends. I don't have any that I'm close to that they coudn't get over it. I don't have a best friend or anything. There's only people I work with, and I only do stuff with them occasionally. As for my family, it would bother my mom. I have two brothers, I don't even talk to, so they're not a problem. My father and I don't get along at all, I'm not worried about him. I have some concern for my Mom, and she holds me back sometimes.


In my worst states, however, the pain overshadows all of it. I always seem to some to the conclusion that it would be ridiculous of me to stay alive for 1 person. I know I would do it in a second if anything happened to my Mom. I don't know. It just seems like when the worst of it comes, The pain eclipses all. I feel like I have mind cancer, and the case is terminal, nothing can stop it now.
 

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#58
To be honest. I'm looking for a method. I'm not worried about friends. I don't have any that I'm close to that they coudn't get over it. I don't have a best friend or anything. There's only people I work with, and I only do stuff with them occasionally. As for my family, it would bother my mom. I have two brothers, I don't even talk to, so they're not a problem. My father and I don't get along at all, I'm not worried about him. I have some concern for my Mom, and she holds me back sometimes.


In my worst states, however, the pain overshadows all of it. I always seem to some to the conclusion that it would be ridiculous of me to stay alive for 1 person. I know I would do it in a second if anything happened to my Mom. I don't know. It just seems like when the worst of it comes, The pain eclipses all. I feel like I have mind cancer, and the case is terminal, nothing can stop it now.
That is exactly what I preach sometimes. Why stay here for just one person? Why stay here for anyone? Me well I love my kitty that is who I am sticking around for. But she is it. Once she is gone I will have no reason to be here anymore.

I believe that there comes a time when you must choose yourself over others. Because if you always choose others over yourself you will suffer.
 
#59
the only reason i am still alive is because my parents turned my room upside down and found what i was gonna use to commit suicide with. <--- that was plan A.
plan B... im still thinking about it...
but i dont want to... ummm, i dont know why i am holding back.
 
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