What's keeping me here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Right U R Ken, Oct 2, 2008.

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  1. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I really want to go. To check out. Why am I even here in the first place? No, there's NO ONE that would miss me. Not one person. If I killed myself I would be one of those stories you here about were the landlord has to open the apartment because of the neighbors complaining about the smell that turns out to be a dead person that no one missed. There was only one. Met her here in fact. Almost two years ago. Just when I thought things were growing between us she said "get lost" instead. And for no good reason. I'm tired. I really am. I just want to lie down and sleep and never wake up. I really do. And don't tell me to hang on it will get better soon. I heard that MORE than 20 years ago. Yep, NOTHING for 20 years. No one for me. Emptyness, loniness. I'm tired of it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2008
  2. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that Ken, I certainly know how fickle some women can be. I don't know much about you history but I'll look at some of your posts so I can get a better picture and try and help you with advice.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I guess it never does to put all your eggs in one basket.
    I have made a career of letting one person be the be all and end all of my life...never a good move:sad:
    People, in the end, will always do what's best for them, people move on, let's be honest; people can turn, shit on you, pop back to rub your nose in it :dry:
    Friends whoever, can be life long. Not always have time for each other, but I know they're there :smile: and have been thru most of the crap that life has seen fit to chuck.
     
  4. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    This stands out because it seems she's the type that does the opposite of what best for her. She's pushing me away but staying with her abuser. I was doing the opposite. Working hard to get us together which would have been better for both of us. It seemed like we were getting closer but she freaked out over a single conversation. Way overreacted.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like you may have pushed to hard when you should have sat back and listened. When it comes to relationships you have to let them just evolve. And that is all I will say, because my luck with women has been zilch. I always picked the wrong ones. Not only getting my heart yanked out of my chest I would occastionally get ripped off also. Good Luck to you!!~Joseph~
     
  6. miracletome

    miracletome Active Member

    maybe instead of something good coming to you, you should go and find something good? lol i dont know... um ...

    i do believe everyone has a purpose in life, but for most people, its hard to realize and maybe its just the littlest thing that count that we dont even know we are to others.
     
  7. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    What's keeping me here? Answer- Nothing. I just found out about a good method. Non-violent, effective, materials are legal and reasonably easy to get. Really gives me a sense of peace. No more endless years of rejection. Ha, and young people complain about lonliness and rejection. Try decades of it. No more for me.
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ken!! from one old fart to another...another person is NOT the answer..winning lottery and being stinking rich is the answer!
    In other words find something for yourself..other people are NOT the answer,,no one stay and if they do u wish they hadnt.
     
  9. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Don't tell me that until you go the next 20 years 100 percent alone. Not a date, not a hug, not a touch, nothing. Human beings aren't meant to exist that way.

    Think I haven't heard statements like that a thousand times? I've heard them all.
     
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Went 13 years without a partner it really wasnt so bad..was certainly better than trusting someone and then getting me heart ripped out :dry:
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ken,
    I have been there it's been twenty years for me. The first five were tuff but once I got past that I started looking out for myself. Some people are willing to live alone, it sounds like you are the type that needs to have someone to care about and cares about you!!
    Try to change up your routine you are in. Get up in the morning and do things you would have never thought have if you weren't depressed. And talk to a therapist they are great. There are some bad apples who are just in it for the money so you need to look around and find a good one!! Take Care My Friend!!~Joseph~
     
  12. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    No sex? No dates? No hugs? Not a single touch? Even then you'd still have 7 years to go. Or maybe you can catch on that dismissing it as "not so bad' doesn't help me one bit. It is bad. Very bad. And I want no more of it. Not even one more lonely day.
     
  13. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    there's friends to hug, or in my case my boys :smile:
    I put everything into them, it worked for me...find something to throw yourself into.

    Oh and here's a :hug:
     
  14. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I don't have any friends... or family. I haven't just been lonely I've been ALONE for those 20 years. And a cyber-hug at this point is about as helpful as sending a starving child a picture of food. The emptyness of it all helps me know I'm making the right decision.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2008
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