I've been depressed for a long time, but over the past couple of weeks I have been inactive on here, thinking about everything. I knew it was only a matter of time before I ended up back on here. So here I am. I told my parents about a month ago that I was depressed. I had sent an email to my mom(people on here suggested I tell her), because there was no way I could tell her in person. I was hurled with question after question. I hated it. Every minute of it was horrible. But I knew that it would all be okay in the end. So I went through it, and now I am right back where I was, as if I had never said anything. Mom stopped talking to me about it after a week or so. She hasn't mentioned it once since then except for the other day when she said I'm seem to be doing much better. But I never actually got any help. I'm not at all better. If anything I'm worse. Now I just wish I had never told her. I want to kill myself more than ever. Right now. Here. While I'm typing this. I just want to die. It's a cold world and the only reason I know there is still life out there is because of school. You know, I have a friend, and she tried to kill herself once. She took many pills. She was lucky she lived, but it was just a coincidence that I had a friend that was also suicidal. I had not known for a long while until we really started opening up to each other. And yet she has stopped me from doing the same to myself, time after time. But it's almost as if there's one time where she just won't be able to stop me. I want to be free. Free from this cruel life. Both my brothers have bunch of friends, have over 4.0 GPA, and are both going to college(one is in college, other got accepted and will be going next year). I won't even have a 3.0 after this semester. Most likely, I will not get into a university. I'll probably have to go to community college. I have no future. I just want to kill myself already and let others get on with their life. I may be missed by my family, but no one else. And that is true. I'm never asked why I was gone from school one day. Hell, I was gone a whole week once, and nobody asked me why I'd been gone. Nobody cares, and neither do I. I'm gonna go plan my death.