well, to be short, as I was 7 years old I tried and think about suicide, now I am 27, shared between two feelings : the first one try again and again until I succeed, and the other one : want to change my point of view and want to understand how to live? how to live without this feeling and this, in a way "obsession"? Well, my question is, as my boyfriend told me I must be depressed because I am suicidal for years, is it true? Because I thought for years, my illness was the fact to be suicidal, to always think about it and always plan stuff to do to reach it, so what do you think? Is it a illness?, is it an "obligation" to be depressed if you always feel this? If so, why all the doctors and nurses I've seen didn't tell me? and why didn't they never gave me treatments? I'd like to change but I'd like to die, in a way "by myself" well thanks for your answers it may help me to understand better "who" am I :wink: I think this forum is helpfull .