What's my illness? Am I depressed?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by morticia, Jul 15, 2010.

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  1. morticia

    morticia Member

    well, to be short, as I was 7 years old I tried and think about suicide, now I am 27, shared between two feelings : the first one try again and again until I succeed, and the other one : want to change my point of view and want to understand how to live? how to live without this feeling and this, in a way "obsession"?

    Well, my question is, as my boyfriend told me I must be depressed because I am suicidal for years, is it true? Because I thought for years, my illness was the fact to be suicidal, to always think about it and always plan stuff to do to reach it, so what do you think? Is it a illness?, is it an "obligation" to be depressed if you always feel this? If so, why all the doctors and nurses I've seen didn't tell me? and why didn't they never gave me treatments?

    I'd like to change but I'd like to die, in a way "by myself"

    well thanks for your answers it may help me to understand better "who" am I :wink:

    I think this forum is helpfull .
  2. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Not knowing you, I can't say for certain. If you've been having suicidal thoughts for that long there's a good chance you might have a mental illness. I don't know what doctors you saw but not all doctors are trained to recognize and diagnose mental illness. You should try seeing a psychiatrist. I will say though that not all people that think about suicide have a mental illness. They may have a lot of anger for example. It sounds like you have a healthy attitude. Good luck. Hope you stick around.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 15, 2010
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    these are all valid questions, with depression when we cannot cope with thoughts and what is going on around us the first instance is to think of harming ourselves, the importent key with depression is to have someone to talk to, in fact lots of support systems in place so that you are not relying on one thing. This forum is a good start, other places would be your doctors, who can access how you are, friends and family. someone you can trust, remember depression is an illness, and something that can be dealt with.

    Take care

  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Yes you are depressed, and the only death that freed me to be myself is by turning from my old ways and doing the opposite: I rejected Yahweh at one time, now I embrace him, learned about him on my own with his word the bible, communicate with him through prayer, and aim to please him by doing things his way. I used to dwell on my problems and want to runaway at any chance I got, now I meet them head on and work through them as soon as they arise. There is hope, and you may not agree with where I put my spiritual trust, but it is your journey, and I would not give it up for no one, including the lying thoughts in my head. :) :hug:
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi mortica. To be honest, you don't really sound depressed to me, rather you sound like you are obsessed with the idea of suicide. Generally, people who have been suffering for years from depression may view suicide as a means of ending their suffering. In your case, you mentioned that you've had suicidal thoughts for the past 20 years but you don't really feel depressed. My suggestion is to find out where these suicidal thoughts are coming from? Maybe you are just fascinated with the concept of suicide, but won't actually plan on doing it?
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    PLEASE STAY AND FIND HOPE WITH US. I am praying for you. PLEASE DO SO TOO!!!! We can defeat this together. We want to kno wall about you and will help you fight and WIN. PLEASE STAY We will give you love and hope and help you find happiness. Its here in all of our heats and we will help you find it too!!!!

    Write me,

  7. morticia

    morticia Member

    hello, thank you all for your answers,
    well,I met quite every kind of psy including psychiatrists, also doctors, and nurses specialised in suicidal attempts ( two of my attempts brought me in a special ward (?) in hospital, and never ever they told me that I deal with depression, for now, I'm seeing a psychologue and nether she told me I deal with it, and as I said before, it's my boyfriend who told me I'm in depression.

    Well, for me it's not easy at all to go to a psychiatrist because of my job, and also because I'm quite afraid to change doctor, even if i know a psychologue isn't a doctor, nor a psychiatrist.

    well, what should I do? is there some treatment which not affect your ability of thinking, driving... but which just change your way of "living"?

    Is it possible to change when there's 20 years you are dealing with it? does someone got advices to change day by day your way of thinking?

    about god, well, for personnal reasons, sorry but I can't believe in it, for myself, but I'm really glad it helps you everyday.
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