I feel so incredibly stupid sometimes. I have a friend whom I have deep feelings for. We are very affectionate with eachother, very, but he doesn't want to be in a real relationship with me. Some days I feel okay about it and just try to accept that I am not his type, then others, like today, I feel so down in the dumps. I feel like he is just using me most of the time. I like the affection he shows me when we're together and I think he likes it too and I start to think that we have more than what we really have. I start to get emotional about him. I know I am digging myself a grave. Everyday, I wonder what it is that's wrong with me that he just doesn't want to be with me. I don't understand. The only thing I can conclude is that he IS just using me and that he feels like there is someone else better for him out there. I feel so stupid. I don't know what to do. If a guy likes you, he will be with you right? If he doesn't, and you're stupid enough to think he does then he will use you as much as he can right? How can you love someone that's just using you? How can you be so stupid? I feel like he deserves better than me all the time and I think that's part of why I can accept it somedays... but other days I am at a loss. What is so wrong with me? Why can't you just be with me? It makes me feel like shit. I feel so rotten. I feel used. And I am used. I'm such an idiot. I know he will hurt me. I know I won't be able to take it.