In some ways all the help I am recieving is an obstacle in itself; if I were having no help whatsoever, I think it would be easier to give up, but the fact that there are so many things available to help me... It feels like I am selfish and weak because they are not enough. And when they are not there, I mostly just get on with it. But when they are there, I spend my time thinking about what else I could be doing if I didn't have to come back into my real life when they're gone anyway... I spend my time being miserable; either because I feel trapped and like I can't see any way out or away, or because I feel selfish and lazy when I try to find more time to myself. And the help; it was supposed to stop me feeling like this. And it just hasn't. I still want to die, just to get out of here, away from here. Just to stop being me.