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What's stopping you?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Myrrhman, Sep 4, 2014.

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  1. Myrrhman

    Myrrhman New Member

    What's currently stopping you from ending it? Fear of pain, a loved one, clinging unto finishing something, the never-ending "what if"s? Go ahead and take it out off your chest.

    For me it's the fear of the physical pain that you feel while going through the whole process of killing yourself, and as much dumb as it might sound, a music album that I want to finish before offing myself, I'm already at 65% though. I feel like I have the obligation of leaving something behind, I've already recorded an EP before but I want to finish my second release. I also wanted to write a book, but I don't picture myself as a great writer, and most of the time I just don't feel inspired enough to keep writing, I technically "started" it but it's only 2 pages.

    The only living beings I genuinely love are my dogs, I'm 20 and I live with my parents but I stopped caring about them, it's not that I hate them, there was a time where I would have cared about how they would react to my death, but I stopped caring ever since I started thinking about suicide every day.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2014
  2. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    What is currently stopping me, is, many of those things you mentioned. Also, fear of burning.

    I used to love animals, hate animal abuse. People can be cruel to dogs, and they love us unconditionally.

    I think about suicide every second when I'm not drinking.

    I wish I had better advice for you, only you know what you are living for. Dare I ask, since you've asked "what's currently stopping you", "what are you living for"?

    I'll start.

    I'm still holding on to an ounce of hope, that I'll find somebody to love me. One person in particular for me.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    While finishing the album sounds like a great goal to have (without regard to it being a "bucket list" thing) if I were you i would want to see and experience th efeeling of others hearing the music and seeing how something you created had an effect on them.

    Not caring about the feelings of others is very common when we are suicidal. Lots of people dress it up and say "nobody would care anyway" but they know it is not true- it is trying to convince themselves more than the people they are telling it too. More to the point, most people are hoping it does have an effect on others- that is very often the real motivation behind suicide - to have a dramatic effect on others either as retribution or to make them finally notice. I am glad you are clear headed enough to admit that you stopped worrying about it when you became suicidal simply because that is the way it is and you are not alone in that at all.

    A book is another very worthwhile idea. You cannot picture yourself a great writer yet maybe because you have not got further into it. If you play / write music and have an interest in writing a book regardless of how well developed that particular interest is then you are one of the fortunate people I envy with creativity and artistic ability.

    I will say that type of person is probably a little more susceptible to depression and suicidal thoughts in general then us pure pragmatic types (this is just an observation - not based on a study or science- just seems that way from the hundreds of people I have talked to on this forum). I suspect that is because the mind of the creative and artistic people tends to emphasize the way things should be in the world as opposed to the way they are and there are just so many things that "should be" different it is overwhelming.

    You are 20 years old, still live at home with your parents, and have not quite finished your big goal of an album and just started your other idea of a book. The fact is you have not yet begun to live your life. Up to this point you have only lived for others- in their house and their rules and trying to find a way to do and become what you want. While the physical pain is of course a scary thing I would be more concerned about is you are considering suicide before you had the chance to see the world as your own person as opposed to as a child that "belonged" to somebody else. Suicide is always there and will always be an alternative to you someplace in the back of your mind. But before making that choice you really should try being your own person and making your own decisions for a while - not living under the roof and rules of your parents and teachers and society that has not really recognized you as a being with ability to make your own choices. You have been held back in choosing how to live your life so your response was to decide how to die instead. While that is always a something that will be there I urge you to try making decisions about how you live before you jump to the last chapter and decide how to die. If this first 20 years has not made you happy living as somebody else wanted you to live then at least give yourself a chance to live the way you want to before deciding it is not worth it.

    Oh - and me - what holds me back? It is something different every day and every week. But i guess as long as I keep coming up with reasons why maybe I should no tit is making it pretty clear there are too many things left I have not finished to the point I am content yet. While the physical pain and emotional/mental pain can be very overwhelming sometimes, I just keep having lingering notion that I might miss out on something that I really do not want to miss out on, at least not yet.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't really have anything to live for, so that's not why I'm still sticking around. For me, it's mostly the fear of failing at what I'll do, and being afraid of actually dying.
  5. OutOfTime18

    OutOfTime18 New Member

    My fears are botching the attempt, going through physical agony, and my instinct to live kicking in at the last minute. I think the best way would be <mod edit - methods>and I've read stories of people botching it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2014
  6. jord536

    jord536 New Member

    The only thing stopping me this minute is the pain it will cause my family (particularly my mum, haven't seen dad for years) and how I'll miss our family dog.

    But then I think why should I carry on being miserable just so others aren't upset?

    I will do it though, and quite soon. I'm very calm about the situation because I've already come to peace with my decision.
  7. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    survival stopped me….and the fear of another failure..
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    A lot of things. Medications that seem to be working very well. A loving family. This site. Music(dunno what i'd do without it lol) but most of all because you only get once chance,one life. make the best of what you have. :)
  9. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member


    Music mostly, and now, this site, and prayer(s)
  10. Lonely83

    Lonely83 Active Member

    still struggling with what the best way to kill myself, I think about it almost everyday, and come up with diff. ideas, some seems complicated <mod edit - methods> mentioned above, some that could only be done at home is not an option as I'm paranoid of my neigbors gossip about me, I wanna die in a strange place.

    Also afraid of another fail attempt, knowing I failed of suicidie, feel so worse, feel stuck, feel so scared.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2014
  11. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    Want it to look like an accident
  12. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Thoughts of a better life.
  13. PullMeUnder

    PullMeUnder Member

    To be honest, I'm not sure. I wish I had a good answer. One thing that has helped me is music. Find whatever it is that is the cause and search for music that is keyed to that very topic. Sure it is just music but sometimes it helps to know that someone else has felt those same feelings or doubts or whatever. I did Google searches for it and there are tons of lists out there. Also, drinking tends to dilute the urge since I am finally able to clear my mind and relax. It is my only good sleep. I think sometimes people get fixated on something like suicide and all they really need is a distraction. I found distraction in work and friends for a time. Now it is just will and those few things left I love. They are disappearing fast though so I have t keep the drinking and distractions juggling as fast as I can. I am a movie lover too so watching movies in my spare time keeps me off the bad topics. Everyone I have talked to seems to be along the same lines as me as well, distraction.
  14. pleo210

    pleo210 New Member

    My best friend is a big part of what's stopping me. I couldn't be another person to do that to her. Also as strange as this may sound about two weeks after what I can describe to be the start of my problems I decided to get a dog. The fact that he needs to be walked was the only reason I'd leave the house and soon I learned it clears my normally busy mind even if its only for a short while. He's now my shadow if I leave the room he will stalk me around. If I were to ignore all and end it I don't think he'd get taken care of.
    So until further notice I'll continue to stay for my bestfriend and my dog.
  15. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I have bills to pay at the beginning of the month and I have housekeeping inspection in the middle of the month. My oath that I made with the management that I will be given one more chance to not attempt anymore suicide otherwise I'll be kicked out of the HUD apartment which I have struggled to live there for more than 3 years. So far I've tried not to act on my suicide ideations but I feel like a walking time bomb.
  16. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Same here Pleo, my GF Claire. I have a pretty good idea what she would do if did.

    Your dog being your shadow Pleo: The fact he stalks you. Have you considered he actually senses what you might go & do? Dogs are known to be extremely perceptive as if they can read our minds nearly. He could very well be keeping an eye on you & making sure you are safe from yourself. His love for you is unconditional and not 'cupboard love' as some people might believe
  17. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Mpang123, same situation. I live each say line it's might be my last day but I always try to do a act of kindness for others. Life is tough but I drag my feet everyday, trying to live my life.
  18. Yvette

    Yvette Active Member

    I'm afraid I'll be unsuccessful and end up in a worse situation.
  19. tabletop

    tabletop New Member

    What is stopping me is fear of what may happen to my soul after. I don't know what to believe about souls and an afterlife if there is or isn't one.
  20. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    I don't really know what is stopping me. But there is something, or a multitude of things. I guess, right now, I just don't want to die enough to actually go through with it. I figure that's progress. For the time being.
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