.....Whats the F***** point??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx, Feb 25, 2010.

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  1. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    Whats the point??
    no one care if i was here again tomorrow
    i just feel like no one remembers that i exsit and that i care.
    i wanna help people, i need help, but i dont even know where to start so WHATS THE POINT??

    i'm so scared of people, so scared of what they will think of me of what they will expect of me, of what they will want frm me....
    i'm just sooo scared of everthing :'(

    i'm so tired of the pain.... the suffering...... the hurt......
    why cant i find the strength the end it all.....find the will to get rid of all the pain?
    all it would take is just a razor.....i so just want to end it all...
    i just cant be arsed no more....its all just too much.....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2010
  2. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know the feeling everyday I go through the whats the point. I see friends and family going through their everyday lives like they don't have a care in the world. And all the time I'm thinking whats the point.

    But I will be missed and I suspect so will you if not in reality then virtually on here.

    Try to stay strong you have friends on here who are willing to listen.
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Hey ikklekitkat,

    I think how you are feeling is true for many people, to be honest, so please don't feel alone with your desperation.

    Why is it that you worry what people think?

    Depression can be very good at making us think no one would care if we weren't there, but really, I think we have no idea of those who would care, and the lives we touch without realising.

    It's good you know you need help, that's really positive. It can feel overwhelming when you need help but don't know where to go or what to do. Have you been to your doctor? I have a lot of other suggestions for places to try for help, but don't want to overload you with them right now.

    I don't think its a case of finding the strength to end it, I actually think it takes a strong person to stick around and fight, so you are showing your strength right now.

    Has anything happened to make today feel so bad?
     
  4. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    today alot of stuff has happened, my mom had ago at my for being so..."miserable" and not listening to her...i was off in my own world trying to keep it all togeather, if you know what i mean, and she went off on one at me.....
    i'm still feelin really shitty frm my m8 tellin me i'm the reason for all his problems :( .... he prob right tho so what more should i expect?...
     
  5. drkangl

    drkangl Active Member

    i know the feeling except it landed me in the er last night. we all need someone to listen sometimes and not make assumptions. i just wish i had that in my life right now. hang in there please
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    your mate should take responsibility for his own problems and stop making you feel worse..
    Your Mum probably means well because she loves you and wants you to feel better....
    we are here to listen and help if we can...
     
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you had such a rubbish day.

    I'm sorry that your mum had a go at you for being miserable and not listening. Does your mum ever listen to you and how you feel?

    I agree with IV about your friend though. You can't be the reason for all his problems, because he is the one with the problem, and he is the one who is able to sort it out (such as by seeking help, if that's the case). He's not right. Often its very much easier for people to blame others than for them to take responsibility for themself, and that is probably what he is doing. He doesn't sound like much of a friend if he is blaming you for all his stuff.

    How are you feeling today?
     
  8. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    my mom doesnt understand me, or anything about me...
    she thinks my depression is just a phase i will grow out of... :(

    i'm a bit better today but thats coz i SH'ed last night and have been totaly off my tree on speed all night and day now, its nice to have a release frm the pain and confusion ...even if for only a lil while...
     
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Have you ever been honest with your mum about how you truly feel?
     
  10. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    many many times, she just gets angry and says that i'm making it up...
    and once she gets angry.....i run and hide...i get soo scared when people get angry..
    i dont know how to cope.....:'( i'm just soo sick of it all
    nothing helps any more, not even the drugs, not the alcohol, not SHing....
    ...just nothing :(
     
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That's incredibly sad that your mum reacts that way when what you really need is to be heard and validated.

    Those things you listed (drugs, drink, SH), none of them really help anyway. They don't actually change anything, so maybe now is the time to start working to productively make positive changes in your life and seeking help through your difficult journey. Do you think that's worth a try?
     
  12. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    i've been seeing a shrink (pchologist) for nearly a year now and i am....if anything....further away frm feelin better..i feel worse now than i did when i started

    its just re awakenin the memories....
    like i dont have to live with the momories and the pain everyday...
    but having to 'open the box' and go into detail...its just too hard sometimes..
     
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're seeing someone. Yes, when you have to reopen those wounds, it is incredibly painful, and the clichee that it gets worse before it gets better is true. However, if you keep ploughing through it then, with the help of your psych, you will start to reheal those wounds so that they no longer hurt you as they are currently doing, and have done previously. In a weird way, the fact you're feeling worse because you're repoening the wounds is a positive thing because it means you're closer to feeling better. Not sure saying that really helps though.
     
  14. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    lol no it dont.....but thank you xXx
    it does help to know that someone cares and understands x
     
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It might be something to hold onto when things are wretched. It feels a bit backward to tell yourself its ok you're feeling bad because it means you're closer to feeling better, but you are genuinely closer than when you started seeing the psych because of how much you're having to open up. I guess maybe it gives the pain a purpose?
     
  16. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    alot of the time when i 'hurt' it doesnt have any meaning behind it....if that makes any sence....
    i cant explain why i feel like shit i just do...and then i feel even worse when i cant explain it....
    i will try and remeber what you have said....i really hope it helps...these last few days have been really hard...
    i dont know if i can hold on much longer


    i went bk to work 8 weeks ago after being off 6 months and on sunday just gone i got really bad...wanted to sneek into the treatment rom (where all the drugs are stored) and take all the heavy stuff ( all the temazipam and morphine) i didnt care that i was at work....
    i was just sat there planning how i could get the keys off the nurse and how i could get up there with out him noticing and stuff...

    i dont know.....maybe all this shit is just pointless....i'm going to die eventualy....why not just go out the way i want too???
     
  17. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do you think that you going back to work has tied in with you feeling so bad recently?

    It sounds like you give yourself a hard time. I had a previous therapist who used to say 'it is what it is', and that helped. I was having DBT at the time and she talked about primary emotions and secondary emotions.

    The primary emotions are those you feel first (often caused by a prompting event, but not always), and then the secondary emotions are those you feel because of your primary emotions.

    The secondary emotions are baggage that we add to ourselves, which can make us feel even worse, which is what you are describing. The phrase 'it is what it is' is about accepting the primary emotions, in this case, and not adding baggage to them. Ok, so you may not know why you feel as you do, but that's not the end of the world, you have enough to deal with without making yourself feel bad for feeling that way. Maybe its worth trying to tell yourself 'it is what it is' when you catch yourself doing that?
     
  18. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It's easier said than done, I'm not a fool enough to think it will fix everything or anything like that, however, sometimes just small adjustments to our thought processes can make the unbearable less unbearable :)
     
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