What's the point anymore?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ToA, Oct 30, 2011.

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  1. ToA

    ToA New Member

    Hi, I am new here, I joined in hopes to get help with my suicidal thoughts, though also don't see why I should or what good it will do to hear: "Its okay!" In a number of different ways.

    Well, I am 23 - Disabled - When I was younger I broke my neck and became fully paralyzed. Since then I learned to walk again somewhat, still severe weakness in my right side and I can barely make it 1/4 of a mile before my legs give out and I fall to the ground. Now, I have no family - My father kicked me out on the streets when I was 16, and my mother pawned me off to my father shortly after I broke my neck. I live alone in a one bedroom apartment, no family, no friends, and all I get to live on each month from the Government is 635$. I am renting the cheapest place I could find, and after all my bills I usually end up with a whopping 10$ a month for food. (Really that is about it) I eat about once ever 3-4 days because of it, and recently my car was totaled by a drunk driver so I no longer have a way to get around. To Top it all off I have went down and requested my Medicare card on 4 separate occasions, yet they never sent it to me so I can't even go to the doctor.

    Here I am, someone who can't even afford food, stuck with no transportation and the closest bus stop is about a mile or so away, I can't even make it there if I tried. Currently in bad debt to the point I am pretty sure I am going to lose my apartment in November and be Homeless in the cold winter of Colorado, disabled and incapable of walking any sort of long distances. I have no family, no friends, can't even afford food. So, Can someone... Anyone find a reason I should keep going? I don't want to commit to suicide as my answer, but there are no other options. Either that or just live on the streets in the winter in Colorado when I can't even walk a full mile without my legs giving out. I'd like to think I am rather sane and level headed, but at this point I see no other option for me.

    Honestly, What's the point? I have no friends, No family, Have no way to get anywhere, I can not work, and I am as poor as can be pretty much. If someone could find a reason, please, do tell.

  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Hello I'm afraid I can't give you a reason,life sucks to be honest. I can't find any meaning to my own life or much of a reason to go on. I know this won't help you but I can only offer that I know to some extent how your feeling and I hope you can find some meaning. I'm sure people on here will jolly you up and you can at least be among people who have problems too,I find that it helps. Sorry I couldn't be much help right now but just thought I'd reply and acknowledge you.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you checked your local resources?? Social Services, Salvation Army, And so on..Surely there is help out there..Do you have a wheelchair?? Salvation Army should be able to help in that department..Check with your local shelters.. Get a post office box for mail from medicare and anyone else..Surely theres help out there you just need to research it..I wish you the best..
  4. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Because if I went back in time and told myself years ago (when I was in a bad place) that I would be happy again in the future, I wouldn't have believed it. But you never know what is just going to show up in your life, things may be dire right now but life is unpredictable. If you were to kill yourself now and discover that if you had only waited life would get better how bad would you feel?

    Fact is, none of us know what is going to happen in the future for all we know it could be great.
  5. ToA

    ToA New Member

    Stranger: I have looked into Social Security its where I get what little money I do get. I do not have a wheel chair, actually live on a 3rd story on the apartment complex, its alright to walk that far for me at the very least, so even if I had one I'd have to haul it up an down steps just to use it...

    Pixie: Not sure if I am dead then that is that. There is no "If I held onto life things would get better." I'd be gone. Dead people can not think. Though I have tried to remain positive, but lately ever since July I have lost hope... Things always seem to get worse and worse; I am a firm believer in Karma, and I have tried my best to live a good life. I am not religious but I go by the whole: "Do onto others." Thing yet how has that worked out for me? If I ever had a chance to help others I have, and my reward? Well it is posted above... Just out of hope and reasons anymore.
  6. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Friend and Antiquities Friend Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    ToA :hug:

    Life certainly is difficult at times. I think though as we try different things to feel better we eventually do.

    I can see why you are depressed so severely, not a good situation at all.

    There have already been suggestions for places to help, the only other I have is perhaps find a food bank or Meals on Wheels.

    Keep posting and let us know how you are.
  7. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hun, at this point, I cant even begin to imagine how difficult it is for you and I wish I knew enough of your area to point you to some resources. If you did not look into it, a lot of churches do outreach for people in your predicament. The one reason I can give you, and its a very selfish one at that, is that people like you, who display so much courage and integrity, are an inspiration for people like me, who have it so much easier, to get off their butt, quit moaning and do something. This does not do much for you, if anything at all, but I urge you to keep going until life gives you a break. And most of the time, the bitch eventually does. You have much to offer.
  8. ToA

    ToA New Member

    I am sure eventually life may give me a break, I know that eventually. Still, is there a reason? All I am on paper is a leech on the system. I can't work, I can't contribute to society, all I am good for is taking hard working peoples Money for myself. It is not like anyone would care or notice, I am positive if i did commit suicide no one would notice until my rent was so far past due that my landlord came up and would discover my body. Sure, Things may get better, but even if they do I am still doing nothing. Why not just get out of the way? At least that way I wouldn't be a leech anymore, even if things do get better eventually what's the point? I'm still nothing.

    At least is my thoughts on the matter. If I am out of the way, it will help the world and the whole 'Things get better with time' Idea, hopefully those good things that may occur would go to someone deserving rather then someone like me...

    But, Thank you Isabel, that does help a little knowing my story can inspire others. As I stated, I do like helping others - Though even with my story, I could write it up a bit more officially even with my suicide and possibly help if it is inspiring. Help others and Help Society by being out of the way...
  9. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni


    Once things are starting to get all sorted and you start feeling better, I am sure you'll find a way to give back. There a tons of ways to make life better for others, even if it is just smiling back at them when they have a bad day. For now, just focus on hanging on and get through that bad spot. Okay ?
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