I keep ending up here even though I know that my situation is what it is, and no one can help me. I feel like an outcast here & everywhere. I think it's desperation... I am desperate to die, desperate not to hurt anymore, desperate not to hurt the ones around me. I wake up each morning with a fist of dread & overwhelm & sadness punched into my gut, and slog through each waking moment & each waking hour trying to get done everything that needs to be done, and much more that I don't even bother with at all anymore. There's no way out of any of this. I am just so tired all the time. Tired of being so afraid & in so much pain and living a life I don't want. I tried to kill myself around a month ago & reached out at the last minute. My husband got home in time to stop me. I don't even know what's keeping me from finishing it off. Fear of methods, not knowing how to follow through maybe? Or the heartbreak that it's really that hopeless? It's definitely not a desire to live anymore. I just wish someone could help me to make it all stop.