I'm not going to take long here. I'm just gonna state the facts. I am lonely. And it's getting worse every single day. To the point where suicide is popping into my head more and more. I don't know what is wrong with me but I can't seem to make friends. I can make acquaintances but I can't ever get past that into real friendship. So what's that mean? That means small talk and things like that but I never get invited to anything or asked to hang out with someone, and if I do happen upon it it's a one time thing and that's it. I never make any lasting friendships. And this goes double with women. I am non-existent to women. I think it's because I'm so ugly. I wanted to test it out to see if that was true, so I put my very best picture on hotornot.com to see what women would rate me based on looks and I was SHOCKED at how low it was. See for yourself: Shot at 2007-07-21 That just hurts my feelings and makes me realize that no woman is ever going to want to be with me. So your probably thinking that I'm paranoid. Well maybe so but that doesn't mean a paranoid person wouldn't kill himself. I've asked out countless women and my social awkardness makes it where I never get very far if I do get a phone number. And in addition, most just flat out tell me they don't think of me "in that way." Which hurts every... single... time... since that's telling me I'm too ugly to be thought of "in that way." All my oldest friends have grown up and are in the military or just graduating college. They have lives, wives and girlfriends or whatever and they all pretty much have forgotten me. Nobody hardly even posts at my myspace. Where do I live? At home still. Making no real money, still struggling to get through school with a low GPA. Is there nothing right left in my life? Let's see: - No friends left - Girls think I'm ugly and gross - Making no money - Made bad grades in school so now I have a low GPA I literally have started to feel like the only real escape is to commit suicide. Which I am going to do if things don't improve, but how can they? I'm not like most people who think about committing suicide. I don't blame myself. As shitty as I am, I hate the rest of the world for making me feel like that. I'm ashamed of who I am.