What's the point if nobody gives a shit

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fixmein45, Jul 21, 2007.

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  1. fixmein45

    fixmein45 Member

    I'm not going to take long here. I'm just gonna state the facts. I am lonely. And it's getting worse every single day. To the point where suicide is popping into my head more and more. I don't know what is wrong with me but I can't seem to make friends. I can make acquaintances but I can't ever get past that into real friendship. So what's that mean? That means small talk and things like that but I never get invited to anything or asked to hang out with someone, and if I do happen upon it it's a one time thing and that's it. I never make any lasting friendships.

    And this goes double with women. I am non-existent to women. I think it's because I'm so ugly. I wanted to test it out to see if that was true, so I put my very best picture on hotornot.com to see what women would rate me based on looks and I was SHOCKED at how low it was. See for yourself:

    Shot at 2007-07-21

    That just hurts my feelings and makes me realize that no woman is ever going to want to be with me.

    So your probably thinking that I'm paranoid. Well maybe so but that doesn't mean a paranoid person wouldn't kill himself. I've asked out countless women and my social awkardness makes it where I never get very far if I do get a phone number. And in addition, most just flat out tell me they don't think of me "in that way." Which hurts every... single... time... since that's telling me I'm too ugly to be thought of "in that way."

    All my oldest friends have grown up and are in the military or just graduating college. They have lives, wives and girlfriends or whatever and they all pretty much have forgotten me. Nobody hardly even posts at my myspace.

    Where do I live? At home still. Making no real money, still struggling to get through school with a low GPA. Is there nothing right left in my life?

    Let's see:

    - No friends left
    - Girls think I'm ugly and gross
    - Making no money
    - Made bad grades in school so now I have a low GPA

    I literally have started to feel like the only real escape is to commit suicide. Which I am going to do if things don't improve, but how can they? I'm not like most people who think about committing suicide. I don't blame myself. As shitty as I am, I hate the rest of the world for making me feel like that. I'm ashamed of who I am.
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    There's nothing ugly about you. I have a friend who could be your twin except that he is balding and he is engaged to be married. You're still very young. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Try to study for school and maybe get a job (where you will meet people) or go to college and have them match you up with a roommate. Even check the local ads and see if anyone wants a housemate or a roommate and when you get a job, you can move out of your parents' house and in with someone else. You will meet his friends and you will develop a social circle. You have lots of time. Try to relax and don't put so much pressure on yourself.
  3. fixmein45

    fixmein45 Member

    I try to relax and not put pressure on myself... but NOTHING has changed and I have almost been out of high school for FIVE years. Not a single girlfriend to care about me and all my old friends are gone. I literally just walk outside with my phone in hand thinking of someone to call and walk back and put it on the set because there isn't anyone.

    I don't know what to do. And everytime I try to get with a girl, nothing happens and makes me feel like shit. I mean if there is nothing why am I alive? What purpose does me breathing air right now even have? I am worthless.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    No way are u ugly :eek:hmy: :biggrin:
  5. Persephone

    Persephone Active Member

    Wake up and smell the coffee, fella.

    First of all, any woman who will "rate" a picture for looks has got to be pretty shallow and callous. What the hell do you care? I was gorgeous in my youth and I fell for a guy short, round, and old enough to be my father. If you saw his picture you would understand why - no he was not handsome, he was full of life. His eyes sparkled with joy of living, gallantry and humor. That is what makes someone sexy. How many beautiful women have you seen with not such good looking men? Or vice versa?

    So you are hell bent on hurting yourself. Yeah, go ahead and post a front-on picture without so much as a hint of a smile. Masochist!

    Your face is symmetrical. It's beautifully oval ending in a delicate but firm chin. Your ears lie flat. You have good bone structure. Your eyes are large and clear with deep color. What the hell makes you think you're ugly? Yeah, I would do something about the bushy eyebrows only because they overwhelm your face - easily fixed with cheap electrolysis. You would also benefit from a longer hairdo that would be a better frame for your face. Think of something wonderful that makes your eyes sparkle, and smile. Voila, you're a hunk!

    Lonely? You must have some interests - books, sports, music, cars, anything. There are gazillions of clubs of all kinds you could join to meet people who share your interests. Try a few. In no time at all you will have a social life. Eventually, you will meet women who think you're cute, interesting, sexy.
  6. nezumiceplak

    nezumiceplak Member

    To be totally honest, I don't think you're ugly at all. You may have no got the best rating from that site, but you shouldn't let that effect you. You're NOT ugly, at all. And ignore anyone who even makes you think otherwise. You may think you can't find anyone, but you will. No one at all is happy with how they look, but that doesn't mean other people will never like you. Most girls are totally shallow, and won't even think about dating anyone who isn't a total "cool" person (follows the croud and anything else that's actually truly annoying), but I assure you, you are not ugly at all :) take that from a girls poitn of view! and if you ever need to talk, about anything, dont worry about PMing me or anything :)
  7. fixmein45

    fixmein45 Member

    Thanks for all your comments. You are all very nice to say such things about me. That is my smile in that photo however, I rarely give a much bigger one than that.

    I still feel like I'm ugly and inferior, but I'll try to stay happy and maybe I'll find somebody. At least for now, I do not feel so lonely. But the feeling hits me like a ton of bricks some days.

    There is a girl who I thought cared about me, but she hasn't replied to any comments online or tried to contact me or anything and it's been awhile. I was so excited that I may finally have found somebody and then she just drops me like a bad habit and that's it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 21, 2007
  8. Persephone

    Persephone Active Member

    News flash: people usually see you as you see yourself. I mean, if you think you are not worth their trouble, they will think so too. You don't feel good about yourself. That's clear. And you are projecting that onto people around you.

    Please tell us 3 things you really like about yourself. You can do it. Go!
  9. Actually, you kind of remind me of the singer Morrisey. He was / isn't a bad looking chap. He's about my age now, 48 or so.

    I have never been one of those persons who put much into the argument that most women are really into a man's "inner beauty" Bah, don't believe it. They are just as ruthless as men. :wink:

    People of either gender are initially very superficial in their first impressions of others. If that wasn't true there wouldn't be an ever growing market for cosmetic surgery. Breast augmentation is all the rage and why the hell not ?

    Truthfully, you are an attractive looking guy ( ..and I am not gay !! :huh: ) Be grateful for it as much as you can, and if you can do anything to enhance your good looks then do it!

    Pump iron, grow a mustache, shave your head, grow your hair long, get some tats..whatever appeals to your own tastes.

    Also, your mind can be your own worst enemy. If you are significantly depressed or suffer from anxiety ( like I do ) then seek out a mental health professional and give it a try. If it doesn't work for you then try any an every other therapy that might interest you. Massage therapy, acupuncture, internet porn :eek:hmy:, if it helps to lift your mood then it is time well spent.

    Oh BTW, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24 years old and I didn't move out of my parents house until I was thirty.

    Don't give up hope dude !!!
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2007
  10. fixmein45

    fixmein45 Member

    1.) I'm funny

    2.) I'm creative

    3.) I uhhh... am still young.
  11. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I really don't think you're ugly at all!
    It's not ALL about looks that lead us to find a partner. I know im not ugly but still I dont have boyfriends...It depends on where you can meet, social networks and all of that. A woman isnt going to come running up to you in the street saying "marry me" things take time and it sucks for us with the bad luck.

    I think posted your photo on that site was a bad idea. You dont know who voted for you, it could have been hairy old 50yr old men, or ugly women which you yourself would have voted a "1". It was a bad idea, because it doesnt prove anything, it was only setting you up for a self-esteem kick in the ass.

    "I don't blame myself. As shitty as I am, I hate the rest of the world for making me feel like that."
    I totally think the same way!

    You seem like a decent guy, id be happy to get to know.
  12. fixmein45

    fixmein45 Member

    Thanks. :) I try really hard guys to not project that poor self-image onto myself... but I can't hide it well and it's not as easy as flipping a light switch to convince yourself.
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It's great you are funny! I know I could never be with someone who didn't make me laugh every single day :)
  14. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're ugly.

    I'll be your friend.
  15. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    You're s good person.

    You're not ugly.

    You're funny.

    You're nice.

    The people that hate you are stupid.
  16. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    I haven't seen your picture but even the ugliest of people all seem to get married.
  17. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about your looks so much. Looks are a first impression thing and can be overshadowed by an awesome personality. Yeah, I know a lot of people will beg to differ with me on that, but that's my two cents all the same. My best friend for as long as I remember has dated some seriously hard looking people, she's gorgeous, and while looks are part of it they aren't everything. Just relax and stop worrying, hang out and have fun. Opportunities for romance will come your way regardless, but if you're stressing over what the person on the other end thinks you might miss them.

    I don't know how bad your GPA is but I'm sure it can't be much worse than mine was in high school. I showed up with nothing but a pencil and a calculator for my math finals and scored 7%. Failed like three other subjects, I'm in college now. Of course, that's probably because a potato on speed could pass the entrance exam for this place, but I'm just trying to say don't worry so much. Work a little harder and get the grades up so you won't have to make it by your teethskin like I did.

    But seriously, don't worry about how you look. There was this girl that looked so beastly her nickname in school was "Big Thing" and it shocked me that she had a boyfriend but it's just because she was hilarious, fun to be around and didn't mind her appearance in the least, or if she did she didn't show it. K, rant over. : )
  18. Dream

    Dream Member

    Everything in life adds up. I won't point a finger towards hope for you, as it doesn't work for me. And I wouldn't lie, just to make somebody feel better. I wish I could have seen your picture, but the link must be broken.

    Yes, it adds up. Making no money, can't find a girl, bad grades.. I guess that right there sums up one fucked up life. But I can relate to that with you. I am not gay, but I hate women. Every girl I've met has fucked me up so bad, look what forum I am on now. LOL, Oh god how I love it. Man, how I wish I could help you. I wish I could tell you something, maybe a non-dead end job would get you somewhere. There is jobs available, that pay good money, that you don't need some killer GPA to obtain. I think, anyway. Computer aspects, if you are good at those, you can make great money, and you don't really need the best school history, I believe.

    Why do people call suicide a negative act is beyond me. There just is no promising result of death that we can call upon, unless ofcourse you are religious. Do we just exist in black, do we exist in our brain unless our brain turns to dust? Do we start again as a new born baby, or do we go to an afterlife to keep living some sort of life? I wish I could tell you, and all I can wish is your life ended up better than this. I hate how I feel so much, and it only makes me feel so damn bad that so many others share this feeling. I really hope things work out for you my friend. Best of luck.
  19. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Hey, how old r u?..I"m 17. so maybe wwe can talk,,im really not socailly succesful either...:(
  20. fixmein45

    fixmein45 Member

    Sorry the image link got messed up or something. Here.
    The rating went up to a 4.5!! WHOOP DE FUCKN DOO! It means people, at least at first, still think I'm ugly. Who says they'll give me the chance to get to know me? I once told a girl I wanted to get to know her better and she told me "Who says I WANT you to!"

    I'm 22 btw. And unfortunately things are NOT getting better. I feel like ending my life just to escape the shame of living it. I felt a little better last night but today was such a nice day out and I had no one else to spend it with and it's almost night again and all that's left for me is sitting around watching tv or on the net and then tomorrow I'll go to my dead-end job at the mall to be depressed some more.

    ... I can try to get my grades up but it's going to take forever to fix my GPA, get a new job and all that. I don't know if I can do it and I'll be like 30 by the time I may get anywhere. What kind of girl would be with a loser like me? Most women want to be with successful guys, even if I make it there most women will be married and I'll be even less likely to find someone.

    I just hate what has happened to me.
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