.. This is gonna sound selfish as hell. But hey ho - i'm apparently a selfish asshole with no regard for others thoughts and feelings, yet there's a few people who could disagree with that. I have a facebook account - people decide not to keep in touch with me (well, 99% of those on my friends list know i'm there but don't bother keeping in touch- and the majority are family over "friends"). I put efforts in, and there's very little reciprocation, so now I don't bother. I have a mobile phone - apart from about 4 people (not including work/doctors if needed) - no-one really bothers making the effort with me, especially when I stop putting efforts in. So again, I think why bother? My social life - almost non-existant. Basically, I get most of my "social atmosphere" from being at work... - virtually friendless - loneliness? probably - but when do you really hear me bitch about how lonely I am/I feel? I don't usually go into it, because I am not going to give up being myself and allowing others the opportunity to know the real me - I can't be bothered with putting on a "fake persona" - it's more hassle than it's worth. I am what I am, if you like - ok, if not - that's ok too. I don't get along with everyone. Before anyone suggests that I don't put any effort in... maybe consider that I have tried on several occasions, making new friends in new environments, but they always end up being relatively short-term (I say relatively - 1.5 years is average). I have rarely fitted in to the social aspect of things, and frequently ended up being either discarded/ignored. And that was before I started coming online a lot more, but the same thing seems to have happened online too. I am really being selfishly "catty" and bitchy about how things have gone. And yes - people can say "Oh but you have a job and a gf" - but does that really make a difference to feeling socially isolated from peers? Does that make a difference to how I feel about the majority of things? I have a job... I put concerted efforts into getting one because it makes a difference to have something to be doing with my time. I have a gf - I put the time into understanding and being patient with her, and never giving up/walking away in troubled times, and now things are better for her which means my efforts are reaping rewards. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe people assume or think that i'm trying too hard. Either that or they think I don't try hard enough. But really... how can one try too hard or not hard enough when others make a judgement to not include the one "trying"? Yeah - I've been a bit "disheartened" with a lot of things lately - and I may be "over analysing" things. But if I don't analyse what I'm doing, how will I know where I am going wrong? How will I know/learn/understand what I need to do to change what is "wrong" if anything is needed to be changed? My attitude right now comes across that I stink. I'm selfish. I'm talking about me... Of course I'm bound to be selfish with it. And yes - I repeated a few things that I've mentioned before, but I'm just not sure I want to keep fighting the tide (excuse the pun with my username) - of what life is offering me, when I'm trying to live and get degraded/downtrodden on so many things. My opinions are different - and challenging at times. That is where a number of people disagree - but those are their opinions usually - and is there a right or wrong opinion? No. It's just perception.