Lately I realised something which bothers me a lot because it really seems like there's no way out of it. I've went through quite some bad stuff in my life but I feel more and more like all those things that happen and just happen around me are nothing compared to the way I feel about myself. I just hate the way I am, my looks, my character, my actions, everything. I made too many stupid stupid mistakes. And it's not only this. Maybe I would feel better about myself if I hadn't done those huge mistakes, but it's about general things, things about my identity I can't change. I'm pretty sure I have very serious mental disorders, I wasn't in therapy so far but planning on doing it. It seems to be hexed. I feel like I'm looking at my own life and my own self but can't identify with it at all. I feel so wrong. I don't want to be myself. I don't want to live as myself anymore, I just want to wake up and being able to live a life as a completely different person. I want to change but I seriously don't know if the things I can change are enough change for me in the end. If I only knew if reincarnation exists, I'd gladly end this life. I'm SO ashamed of myself. I tried so hard to make the few close persons I have realise how bad it really is but they don't. I don't see the point in doing my best in life because I feel so worthless. So what's the point of going on? There seems to be no good reason for doing my best. I just hate everything I've become. Sorry for opening a new thread about all this, I'm just so so desperate.