What's the point of living?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by samelson03, Jan 28, 2009.

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  1. samelson03

    samelson03 Member

    I'm Steven. I'm 18 years old. Don't have many friends. In elementary school I was made fun of. I'm in LD classes. and it's really hard sometimes. And, people made fun of me because of that. And, because I looked like a monkey. So, a group of some popular kids who I HATE to this day and always will started calling me " monkey mustache man" and no one knows about it. I don't want to tell my parents or siblings. I want to keep it to my self. I started talking to my mom earlier today and she asked why I never go out on fridays or saturdays. And she said, all you do is play video games. And, that's when I started to feel depressed. I don't work and I have made no attempt to find a job. Don't have my license. My parents try to get out to get my permit. I keep saying no. And, I KNOW one of my close friends now talks about me behind my back. I was running in gym a year ago or so and saw these guys making fun of me. Imitating how I run. I got really mad and really sad. Even my close friend, Kevin, says oh your a pussy and I am. He's not a good kid and hes said to me try smoking a cigarette and I said no and he said your a fucking pussy. real friends don't tell you that. He has even told another person I know and was telling him how much of a pussy I am. I saw the text message he sent to the kid. He said, I'm not a pussy like Steven. I personally, think I'm ugly. My parents probably think oh we shouldn't have had this kid. All I do is play video games and go on the internet. I don't do much at all. It was really hard for me to learn certain things. And still is. And, I don't know how to ride a bike. Whenever people ask me to go and go out with them and say bring your bike. I say, oh it's in the shop or something. Even at church when i'm with my family and my pastor mentions the word bike during the childrens devotion I look down. Even my little cousins make fun of me because I can't ride a bike and all I do is play games and go on the internet. MY LITTLE COUSINS ARE MAKING FUN OF ME! i heard them laughing once when I was at their house just because i'm a adult who can't ride a fucking bike. To me, theres no fucking reason for me to live. What am I doing that people are proud of me for? The best thing my parents are proud of me for is when I graduated junior high. I don't do anything that they'll be proud of me for. Fuck this shit.
  2. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member


    Is there nothing you would really love to do work wise? Or achieve? What do you want from your life? What would make you happy?

    These are the things you need to think about. To hell with everyone else, it's your life, live it how you want to and do what makes you happy.

    So what if people make fun of you? It just shows they have nothing better to do in their lives and to be honest that is pretty sad.

    If you need to talk anytime feel free to pm me or add me to msn x

  3. samelson03

    samelson03 Member

    I honestly never want work. I don't want to go to college. I just don't want to live.
  4. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member

    Is there nothing that interests you at all? Something for you to hold on too?

    I hold on to the thought of getting my degree and proving my family wrong. That's always been enough to keep me afloat. Although it gets hard at times.

    If you could find a job you liked you could earn enough money to get your own place and you wouldnt have to see your family if you didnt want to.

    You could make new friends and create a whole new life, it sounds daunting but it's possible.

    Even a job you didnt like so much would be enough, then when you were happier you could rethink a career.

    I'm in the process of moving away from family and starting my own life. An independant one where I make my own choices.

    There's always hope... you just have to look harder sometimes to find it.

  5. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    cut those people out of your life, those people arent your friends, tell your cousins to go fuck themselves and dont see them anymore

    try to find your own peace in this world, that is all I will say, it is very hard but dont kill yourself
  6. samelson03

    samelson03 Member

    thats the thing, I don't do things to try and make friends. I don't do after school activitys or anything. That's good way to make friends but I dont want to. I just want to end my life right here where it's at.
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: sorry you have spent your life being teased. Bullies are wimps, try your hardest to ignore them :hug:
  8. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    Hi Samelson

    I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time, i understand what it is like to feel like you have no ambition, or rather there is nothing out there for you to aspire to, especially as you have LD and find it a struggle at times. I know you don't want to talk to your parents, but i wonder if you are able to speak to your doctor? It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression and there are things that he or she can do in a practical way that could help with this, there is no shame in looking for ways to help yourself, especially as it seems to me that none of your friends care enough to want to help you.

    I know there are a lot of pressures from friends, but this guy you are talking about, the one who is calling you a pussy, he is not mature enough to realise it, but by buying into the cliches, like smoking and so on, he is actually the coward, it takes more strength to say no to something that everyone seems to be saying yes to.

    I have no friends in the real world myself, any contact i have is with people online, and sometimes, i think you have the chance to make better friendships that way, because you can be who you are rather than who people think you should be, so i hope you take the opportunity to stick around here and get to know people, make friends, it may not be the same as going out on Saturday night, or a hug, or a handshake, but it is something, and that is all you need at times.

  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Steven,
    Welcome to the forum!! Have you thought about a trade school instead of college. You can become an electrician or a plumber, motorcycle mechanic, etc. etc. etc. Those are all occupations that pay farely well. And you pretty much work alone so you don't have to feel self concouis all the time. There is usually always an answer you just have to think it over. Being here on the forum you will find support and you can talk things over with members to get ideas. Take Care!!~Joseph~
  10. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    Hello Steven,

    Remember, the bullies are the real losers because they do not have the strength to think, they won't think. They just operate from a place of self survival and feel that for themselves to be accepted, they have to ridicule others. I have personally loathed these types of people all my life and although you wouldn't think it, it is very easy sometimes to bring them down a peg or two.

    You are the stronger one for not doing this to other people yourself. Always be very proud of yourself for being better than them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2009
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Steven,

    Welcome to SF.

    When you said no to smoking that proved you are very smart. Those guys that want you to smoke think that smoking is cool. Don't do it hun, don't allow them to push you into something you don't want to do. Be yourself and you will find people that will love and accept you for who you are.

    Bullies are cowards and often think very little of themselves. It makes them feel better to put someone down. They aren't even worth thinking about.

    Have you tried making new friends?

    You can get through this, we are here for you :hug:
  12. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi Steven, welcome to the forum, and express yourself freely here without any implications of bullying - unless there are bullies here lol.

    What Lynn (Sweetheart) said is true. The bullies do not really love or know themselves, and they're usually very negative people. The way they learn is to see weaknesses in people, and make fun of them. They gain their confidence by doing this.

    I'll tell you a secret, when I was about 11 years old at school, I used to be a bully to just one kid. That kid was bigger size than everyone, he's not fat, but big size. Well, that kid is 11 years old, and when someone mention the word "worm" he'll start to feel like he's gonna cry.. apparently he's afraid of worms and bugs. I did not know him prior to that, nor did I know his phobia, and one other student asked me to do the "worm" signal with my finger, bending and stretching my finger like a worm, I asked why should I do that, he said "you'll see".

    So, waiting to see what happens, I make the worm gesture with my index finger to the kid. He then stared at me, like I've done something wrong.. I was shocked.. I then continued with the hand gesture, bending and stretching my index finger towards him, like a worm. His face then got red, and started to weep very loudly in tears!! I was thinking, what have I done wrong???!?

    You see, this is very new to me, bullying others.. I've never bullied anyone before. So when I see that, just by bending and stretching my index finger, I would make someone weep loudly in tears! That is so wicked, I was thinking, that is like having super power over someone. (I was very naive and very cheeky, immature kid then) I continued to bully him, the whole year when I was in the same class as him, at age 11. At Age 12, I was in a different class, but I'll make the gesture to him whenever I saw him.

    Sad, I was a very ..stupid kid then. The thing was, during high school, I heard from another friend, that now he's not afraid of anything at all, and is very confident! WOW, at that moment when I heard that, I have a sudden respect for him, knowing that he has overcome his weaknesses, and now he has won the battle, and go on to high school to continue his life - made me respect him, even though I have not seen him since. He was a really slow learner, and get 0 - 40 points, below passing score everytime. One day, he was so happy that it was his first time passing a subject! It was a multiple choice exam, and he randomly selected the answers, and got 50+ points lol - I was impressed ;) I did not annoy him at that stage, because I wanted him to cherish that winning moment in his life, he deserves that.

    Now, looking back, I think I actually contributed to his life. If it wasn't for me, he might still be scared of bugs and worms..and the worm gesture, until now, I'm 23 now. So, I'm glad that everything works perfectly fine for him, glad that he's doing good, and able to stand up for himself despite everything, being a slow learner, having extreme phobias and all. I think I actually have done something good for him in the end. And if I were to meet him one day, I would be able to share all the stories about his past with him, like good friends, I respect him for everything he's done for himself.

    So, Steven, if you may please let me tell you something, and please remember my true story. This kid is much worse off compared to you, he can't even type well, or read properly, and have extreme phobias. Now, he's in a conventional high school, doing well, and be able to stand up for himself, not being afraid anymore!

    Be courageous now, and know that adversity is your best teacher in life. You cannot blame others for bullying you; maybe the universe is using them to teach you to overcome your weaknesses? If nobody bullies you, then you won't know your weaknesses, and you won't learn. You don't want to be scared all your life do you? The best way to learn is by learning how to overcome, and when you're older, you're able to look back and see, this isn't all that bad after all - it worked out perfectly the way it is.. I am no longer afraid!

    Everybody is playing their roles, everyday, different roles. Today you're playing the victim, next year you're playing the role of a champion, etc.. Other people are playing their little roles too, so you cannot blame them for playing their roles. All this is - it is a lesson for everyone.

    I used to bully that kid, look where I am now? I am being bullied back, I have withdrawn from society, and am basically alone now. But - this is a learning lesson for me, now I learn, next time I'd be able to overcome my weaknesses, not by bullying others (I was immature), but by knowing myself, that I'm better than all these, I don't need to feel this way anymore.

    Steven, if you can think about what I just said with a positive mindset, you'll understand the secret in life - that this is a lesson. If we're positive, we're able to handle this good. If we're negative, we're not able to handle it. What you are facing doesn't matter (there are positive peoples with much, much more problems), all it matters is either you're positive or negative.

    I hope you choose to be positive, and stay strong Steven. Because in this world, you need to be able to overcome your weaknesses, then others will respect you. How to overcome? First to know your weaknesses, second, is by knowing better.

    Knowing better, for example, in that kid's sense (of my story), he knows better than to cry, to cry leads to more attention, leads to more bullies. He knows better than to be afraid, being afraid didn't help him at all, so he's getting rid of that habit. - This is the secret, how that kid does it - he's a good kid, I respect him since.

    Take care, if you need any help, you can pm me.

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