What's the point to all of this?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by freemysoul, Jun 19, 2016.

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  1. freemysoul

    freemysoul New Member

    Who can I turn to when no one really cares?

    Tonight my biggest fantasy is not to hit the lottery, not to find prince charming, but to successfully commit suicide.
    This fantasy is the only thing that brings me relief, because I know I cannot change the way my family treats me.

    The only real joy I have ever had was having children. If I could only go back to those years when I mattered. My children are now grown, seeing me as not much more than a burden. My whole life I have been undermined and ridiculed by my family, a behavior that has now taken hold with my children. They think it’s normal, because it’s all they know. At times I could handle it, but more times I can’t, and to try to make them see it will only make them mad at me, but because I know how little my feelings matter to them. I usually stuff these feelings deep down, trying to make some sort of sense out of it because I don’t want to resent my family.

    I wish I could tell someone all of this, but I know I can’t, because my feelings are clearly not important enough for someone to understand the pain I’m in. This would only anger the people in my life.

    Tonight I hate myself. I wish I was someone else or dead. This feeling of worthlessness is so unbearable. I am losing my fight. I don’t know how much longer I can feel this.

    I have no one who loves me for me, only people that want things from me.

    I know the only way anyone will ever grasp one glimpse of my value is if I die. But maybe not. They’ll probably only miss my subservient reliability.

    Why do I stay? Because I love the people who want things from me. And that loneliness is too much to bear. If this is all an illusion, then I should just end it. It won’t matter because none of it exists anyways. I’m ready to leave this this pitiful existence. Please...whoever can hear me...please remove me from all of this tonight.
  2. freemysoul

    freemysoul New Member

    I was hoping that someone would have responded. Getting sleepy now...I pray I won't wake up.
  3. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    Lonliness is perhaps the most pervasive misery in the developed world. It seems clear that company only really arises out of necessity in most cases. It says something about us and our bitterness, If we learn to be more interesting engaging people than maybe people will prefer company over a screen. A screen is hard to compete with, before you is everyone's best thoughts, billions of people. I wish I could allieviate your lonliness. I to you, am only text on a screen. One day maybe I will be able to pass through on a portal and take you to a play at your local theater. Alas I can only write lousy words.
  4. SoTired

    SoTired Well-Known Member

    I know the feelings of being alone. I've run off most of the people who cared, lashed out, and then paid that bitter price more than I care to recount. I wish there was something I could say to take that pain away, but try to get out and talk to some people. Just about stuff - the weather, sports, anything. Anything to engage.

    Know that we're here, and are always around to talk. Keep well.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. There is a point. Loneliness is a terrible but you can survive. Yes, each day is hard but you have to be strong. You have to dig deep to fight you struggle. All of us, struggle but we support each other in our joint struggle.

    Keep posting and take care as you know we care.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I know all about lonliness and isolation, i'm sorry no one replied in the time you wanted them to, some people just don't know what to say. I am responding because I care and hope you will get through this, have you tried counselling? that might help your situation a lot. I really hope things begin to improve soon for you. Remember you don't have to go through this alone.
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