Whats the point?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LetItGo, Dec 1, 2006.

  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Im feeling really, really bad atm...Dwelling on my life, or lack thereof...again!.

    I should fucking no better by now..

    Think I must be the master procrastinator and master masturbator rolled into one..I dont care about admitting it either...Im beyond caring.

    Im so, so lonely right now...and I just know its never, EVER going to change. I live in a bubble measuring 2 metres by 2 metres...you guessed it, the computer desk.

    Its too late for me now..33...its a done deal. Signed and delivered.

    I honestly cant see my life changing. Im so fucking useless. Its beyond redemption. Im completely inept...a loser of the highest order, the pinnacle of loserdom is where I reside.

    I just want to sleep, and drink...drink and sleep. Thank god I havent got much money atm..cause id be getting shattered every day, and really its not like me.

    All i want is a REAL hug, a REAL kiss, a REAL romance...thats all.

    Ya, ya...its too much to ask. I know this.

    Thus my new sig...sums it up perfectly.
  2. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    well, i know how you feel. i am almost exactly a younger version of you, and i don't ever see my life getting any better. i'm not exactly taking a pro active approach though.

    i just want to tell you a little story.

    i have an uncle. he had never been married. he lived in a 1 room shack. he didn't even graduate highschool. when he was 40 years old, he met a woman. they are now married, have two kids together, built a house, and are having a great life

    when i think about that situation, it gives me hope. if my ugly uncle can get married at age 40 and start a family, build a house, etc. ANYONE can.

    i am definately no one that should be giving advice or anything, but man, you have to get out there. a girlfriend isnt just going to fall into your lap.

    i know it is ****ing difficult. i know how you feel. but unless you get out there and start living, nothing is going to ever change.
  3. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    MJ, This is what I tell everyone. Have you tried a good med yet.

    And I dont mean some BS antidepressant. I mean something you can take and feel better in fifteen minutes.

    If you have not, you should at least try that. Because it works.

    It pisses me off that so many people could be helped if the psychs werent such aholes.

    Sometimes preventing suicide is more important than staying away from a potentially addictive med IMO.

    Give it a shot. What do you have to lose.
  4. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    yeah, thats sucks...I've been lonely for whole my life (not counting my family), and nothing is worse than that.

    Well, i'm sure you can find gf if you want, even if you not get out you can find it, through the internet for example, or at some other way, there are many other ways...just if you want...
    I feel like i don't want it, although i'm dying to kiss someone, hold hand etc, i'm just fucked up to get into relationship, i don't know will i ever be ready for that.
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    It wasnt always this bad. Once upon a time I wasnt so isolated, but ive never been any good around woman, I dont know what it is...I think its almost genetic, which is weird, because my old man didnt have any problems...

    I talk to a few woman over the net, and gain some confidence from that, but now im so utterly isolated and alone...any confidence im gaining is basically going nowhere.

    I cant do this indefinately...I cant handle it much longer...the lows are getting more frequent and I cant seem to snap the fuck out of it!!!

    Thats why I dont think theres any hope left...I cant see me ever snaping out of it...all I can see in my future is a vision of when I take my own life.

    Nothing ever changes...and unfortunately Im such a pathetic excuse for a human being...I cant make it change.

    Ive even got my funeral song picked out, I have for years...The Smiths - Asleep.

    P.S Bob im going to ask my psych about Xanax at my next appointment.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2006
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    MJ this is just a thought.. but you have been so supportive to every one else I'm wondering if you've burnt yourself out.

    This post came after I'd been thinking it a couple of days ago, you know what I'm talking about. You've been supporting someone and with all that on your plate you offered a hand to me. In a way I'm glad to see this post because I was wondering who was helping you.

    I met the love of my life at 40, Ok he's now gone but it does prove that age doesn't matter that there is someone out there no matter what your age.

    Oh to be 33 you have so much infront of you, but please take some time for yourself and don't let everyone elses problems swallow you up.
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hun, often we can't see change in our future because of our past....we think things won't change because they never have...but they can/will change, t's just hard to wrap our minds around the possibilities that are there, but we are so blinded by anxiety, depression and pain... it blinds us and it makes it terribly hard to hang on....but we have to....we will make it...remember, we are here for eachother and I won't let you fall just like you won't let me fall. I am sorry that I am not capable of giving you are real hug, but if it was possible you'd already have a million of them! :hug:

    33 isn't that old hun... my brother wasn't much younger when he got married.....age is nothing.....it's just a number, I have seen couples in their 60's get married/remarried... don't let the past dictate your future, I know it's hard, beleive me I KNOW.....but we have to keep trying and I am here for you through it hun...we will make it....I promise....

    I think also you need to check with your pdoc about meds, maybe an adjustment....and try not to focus and negative feelings because you may feel them, but it doesn't mean they are right...because they aren't...

    Hang in there sweetheart, I am going to message you on MSN.......I am here and you know I have soo much for you...I'm here, don't ever forget that. :hug:

    With love,
  8. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    First off, what are you doing here Carolyn? *mass spankage for you* ;)

    I know your there for me, and me for you :hug:

    I just wish we werent seperated by 2 oceans and thousands of miles, but anyway, thats life I guess.

    Im not sure I should contact you on MSN...I dont want to set you back in any way...You were good yesterday, I want you to keep going in that direction. ;)

    Ill be ok I guess...

    Possibly...but really when I get into this black pit im in...its always because im thinking about my farked up life, its self inflicted...and its becoming more common. Im feeling so old. I want to start again dammit!. grr

    I really like trying to help people, although I realise the limitations of the internet, still though I plan to carry on doing it if I can

    Dev we still havent had a really good chat ;) Despite me saying I wanted too, we should do that soon, not today though, Id trigger everybody today lol. But id like to get to know you better...and your problems.

    Im feeling the same way I felt last night, I woke up feeling like shit, I just looked alongside me in bed....and theres nobody there....never will be....never will be....I dont know why I dont just put myself out of my misery, seriously, its pretty gutless.

    Oh well, think im gonna go to the club or something, and get smashed. Probably this arvo.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2006
  9. blub

    blub Guest

    I see lots of hope. You're so fantastic, amazing, lovely, gorgeous, beautifull, sweet, caring, humorous, clever and I can go on and on. But that will make this reply way to long.
    You say you isolate yourself, stay behind your computer etc. You should stop with that. I know, there are thousand of women who would bitchfight with eachother in mud (just a nice image in my mind :wink: ) all to have you.
    The last years, there are more people single around your age. More people are getting married older. Its never to late!!
    I wish I could give you a real :hug:, a real :cheekkiss
    Could be there for you, find a lover for you
    Everyone would be lucky to have such a guy like you
    Take care :hug: