What's the point?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by winduptoy, Dec 2, 2012.

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  1. winduptoy

    winduptoy Active Member

    My girlfriend wants to postpone our engagement - originally we'd planned to get engaged this coming february - for a number of reasons. She says it has nothing to do with me (stressed about other life changes, engagement ruined past relationships for her, she'll feel trapped - that one sure made me feel great - she knows our families won't be supportive, neither of us has a job or our own place so what's the point, we obviously can't get married anytime soon anyway), but it's hard not to feel rejected, especially when before telling me this, she told me that she wanted to get back in touch with a friend who tried to sleep with her, claiming to be in love with her, and who basically said she didn't care about her relationship.

    When I got upset about it she got annoyed and said fine, she took it back, but I'm just frustrated because how is that not deliberately missing the point? I don't want to get engaged to someone who doesn't want to, and you can't take things back once they're said. And sometimes people have to discuss things that upset them. But every damn time I get upset she gets annoyed that I'm making her feel guilty or like a bad girlfriend. So I'm getting to the point where I feel like I have to try and hide how I feel (which I'm really bad at and it never works). I can't talk to my mother (my mother turns into a passive-aggressive bitch towards my girlfriend), I can't talk to my friends (girlfriend doesn't want them thinking she's a bitch), she also doesn't like it when I post about our problems to strangers on forums, so don't tell on me okay? I just feel so alone. I did try to talk to a friend about it (again, don't tell), but said friend wasn't interested anyway.

    She says I'm still the person she wants to marry eventually, but I just see this as turning into the first in a line of postponements...right now she wants to wait until she has a job and has held it for a while. I see it now, next it'll be wait until I can afford to move out, wait until she gets her own place, then wait until we can afford to live together, then wait until we can afford a wedding, and on and on so that it just never happens.

    So the one thing I thought I could count on, turns out I can't. I just want to give up. I'm going to be alone forever. I'm sick of life. I just want this to be over already.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your gf is unsure of herself I do think perhaps you should both seek couples therapy maybe to see where her head is at. Sheis not ready for a relationship and maybe if you back off some and start seeing other people she will see what she is missing just a thought
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