What's the point?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ThrownAway, Oct 5, 2014.

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  1. ThrownAway

    ThrownAway New Member

    My story is long, but I'll try to be brief.
    I was married for 36 years when my husband threw me away. After playing supermom for 25 years, taking care of the kids, house, shopping, cleaning, cooking, you name it all while teaching college full-time I burned out from overwork. My ex was also verbally and emotionally abusive. Once I was so exhausted I couldn't function at all I spend a couple years on the couch. Since I wasn't helping around the house or making money as far as my ex was concerned I was useless.
    So he began stealing marital funds and putting them into his personal accounts. Then he made up expense sheets showing how he spent every penny we made. His abuse became worse as he was trying to force me into a separation and it worked. In order to live I had to leave. The temporary separation became permanent and he filed for divorce. I was so beaten down by his abuse that I couldn't stand up for myself so I lost even more money in the divorce proceedings where he nickeled and dimed me to death.
    He included our adult children in every aspect of the divorce using them to mediate over my strong objections. The lies he told them about me changed my relationship with them, I fear permanently.
    So I lost my career (early retirement due to disability), my marriage, my home, my kids, even my friends.
    I have no one and the isolation is killing me. Well, I do have one person, my therapist. He has kept me alive for the last 3 years.
    I don't seem to fit in with any age group. I don't have any way of making friends as I am home pretty much 24/7.
    The depression and the anger of being taken advantage of during the divorce get so out of control that I just feel like giving up.
    What's the point when you've lost everything of value? (Not monetarily, personally.)
    So, that's my story. An entire life gone up in smoke and nothing worth living for.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. Please do not give up as life is important and you are a deserving person who needs support. PLEASE DO NOT ACT ON YOUR FEELINGS AS YOUR ARE IMPORTANT. You life is not gone as people in this forum understand how you feel and relate to you. The isolation of being alone is also difficult to deal with especially with a disability. You have suffered over the years but you are deserving human being who has the right to live. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND KEEP REMEMBERING THAT. Keep posting for support and care.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2014
  3. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    Hi Thrownaway :hug: I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Being taken advantage of when you're most vulnerable can easily leave you questioning whether life is worth living. I understand that. But there are up-sides to everything, and things you may not have considered. You say you have a therapist - have you told them how you are feeling right now? Said that you feel like there is no point left? If you haven't, I'd suggest you do - if only to be able to discuss what options you have in getting help for these feelings.
    You must have considered your children in this. I know they are grown, but we all rely on our parents, even if it's just knowing they are there to turn to if something goes wrong. Have you tried explaining your side to them? Calmly and without bitterness - which is very difficult, I know - but they might listen and then you can renew your relationship with them, which will give you cause to leave your home sometimes. It is important to have a different view now and then.

    I hope you find some positives soon, and realise there is more for you to live for :)
  4. ThrownAway

    ThrownAway New Member

    Thanks for you support and caring.
    My kids don't want to hear any more about the divorce they just want it to go away. So they got their dad's side of the story and don't care to hear anymore even if what he told them is almost entirely false.
    My therapist knows about my struggles, but has kept me out of the hospital on several occasions because he believes hospital stays are most important for people who are undergoing medication changes and I am medication resistant, so the only reason to hospitalize me is so that I can be around people instead of isolated.
    Last week I asked for two appointments this week so will be seeing him tomorrow as well as my usual time on Thursday. Good thing as this morning was AWFUL. All I could think about was that I wished I was dead, yet I refrained from doing anything about it.
    I just moved from a house into a townhouse so all of the work of moving is taking a toll on my physical energy. At the same time, it gives me something to do, to organize a new place to live. So while that may not be exactly a reason to live, it keeps me busy.
    So many people on a forum wanting their lives to be over with. It is a very sad commentary on society and the way we treat each other.
    But it is nice to have someplace to come and just lay out your feelings knowing you won't be judged or ridiculed. You know you will be accepted and understood, even supported.
    I am so glad I found this forum yesterday. I look forward to doing more reading here, learning from others how they deal with all the negative thoughts and yet hanging on for another day.
    Greetings to all, and thanks for being here.
    I hope to be able to contribute something of value when I get to a better place.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You need to keep focused by planning your day with activities. Keeping your mind focused on doing stuff as this help you from over-thinking about the situation. Remember you are not the only one struggling at the moment. Please take care and keep posting for care.
  6. The point is to start over anew and never make the same mistakes.
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