What's the point?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by attack_amazon, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. attack_amazon

    attack_amazon Well-Known Member

    I'm so damn tired of everything. I'm tired of feeling like this. Everything I do and everything I see reminds me of how much of a total waste of space I am. The only things I can get right are screwing things up and hurting the people I care about. I'm tired of being angry all the time, and I'm tired of being so depressed I can barely speak when I'm too exhausted to be angry. I'm even angry in my sleep, I woke up today screaming and trying to strangle a pillow, which scared the crap out of my husband. I'm tired of having to lie about how I feel so people won't freak out. I'm tired of people expecting things from me. I'm tired of having to be the one who can take anything. Damn it, if I ever show an ounce of human emotion, everyone else goes to pieces. I'm tired of having to be the strong one when all I want to do is crawl into a corner and cry. I'm tired of losing people I care about and I'm tired of caring. I'm just...fucking tired, and the only things that make me feel better at all upset people. *sigh* 24 more damn days and I'm doing the Off This Mortal Coil shuffle.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Attack_amazon,

    I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low. You're not a waste of space :hug: Depression lies. Are you seeing a doctor for your depression/anger problems? If not, you really should think about it. I hope you feel better soon sweetie. I'm always here if you need to talk about it.

    Thinking of you, Lynn :arms:
  3. attack_amazon

    attack_amazon Well-Known Member

    Can't see a doctor or anything. Too expensive, and the only more or less free ones are so hard to schedule an appointment with you'd be lucky if you didn't die of old age before you got in. I don't trust them anyway, I gave a couple therapists a try after my last suicide attempt and it was like talking to a brick wall. The only thing they could say was that I should go on medication, and I can't fight if I'm taking meds, and if I can't fight, what's the point?