Whats the point

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ZakPup, Jul 12, 2009.

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  1. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    Recently I got hospitalized for my suicide attempt and spent two weeks up in the hospital's psych ward. My chain of command decided to Kick my ass out the instant i went into the hospital to get treated rather than waiting to see me get better. Been in the army for a year, hardly enough to be cosidered a vetran seeing as i was in training for over half of it and i get here and after a couple of months decide to off myself. So i'm hardly getting any benifits thats not the thing that gets my goat tho i'm getting chaptered for a medical reason so you'd think they'd do all they can to get me a dr and stuff in the city im going to and get me on a program that will help me out a little till i get back on my feet seeing as i have other physical problems the army gave me (thank you oh so much for the fucked up knee and leg and ankle problems) you know. But no they could care less about a "prior" bipolar ridden soldier, didn't have it when i came in or at least i didn't know about it.

    So I'm wondering if life is worth living if i have to deal with these scars that i'm getting screwed over for, maybe i should of just died there right in the icu on that hospital bed. i'm not gonna get a whole lot out of life cause this was the only thing i was proud of myself for so living after suicide isn't living its just continuing on with the pain afraid to try again cause youre subdued by the meds and don't want try again because you have false hope the pills give you and your dr gives you. I'm really on the verge of suicide again and who ever reads this please help
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i know how you feel, with the pills. i get so angry at myself that i cant control my feelings. but these tablets, they make me numb, i feel it but i cant do anything about it when im on them. they stop me, which is good apparently, but the pain stays, and if i dont take them i have nightmares which make it worse. you should not give up.
  3. Drekono

    Drekono Well-Known Member

    im sorry for your pain and i know where you are coming from with the health care system. I have tried to commit suicide twice and have been in and out of 5 psych wards this summer and theres one thing im realizing. You wont get anything out of the health care system unless you make some noise and fight for yourself. I know that doesnt sound like something that even seems worthwhile but your life is worth it. you are worth it. just make some calls and push for the treatment you deserve.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i have to agree.
    the only thing physc wards do is put yu on drugs, make sure your stagle to go outside and play and then they ship you.
    when i was in there, about 3 weeks ago. there wasnt anyone to really talk to. to open up to, to allow yourself to tell your story. oh yeah, thats because in order to do that, you have to have insurance.

    i felt kinda cheated.
    i cant afford to do it on my own, nor do i have insurance at this time.
    i guess we should be lucky there are places like this to help us through.

    i still dont think i have realised the extent of what i did.
  5. Ravon

    Ravon Member

    I know this thread is a couple of weeks old, but if you're still out there you should know that you can go to the VA, and they'll take good care of you. It doesn't matter if you were in for 20 years or 20 days, if you were in the military you're a Veteran. You should also apply for disability compensation from the VA for your injuries.
  6. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about being on the physc ward. I was there for 12 days and when my ins ran out they told me I had to leave.
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