Whats the point?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_and_confused, Jan 3, 2010.

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  1. lost_and_confused

    lost_and_confused New Member

    I was reading about suicide on the internet, and i came across this site...i suppose right now i just want to talk about how i feel anonymously...to anyone reading this, thank you for listening.
    it started a while ago, me feeling this way. My parents fight constantly...about me and my little sister. And their relationship. I got into a fight one day with my dad, after he and my mom had already been fighting, and he told me he wouldnt care if he ever saw me again. I took that hard, because well, its just hard to hear that from your dad. He left that day, and i didnt see him for a couple days until he and my mom made-up. He came back, but we never reconciled our differences.
    Then a couple weeks later, my mom told me and my sister that we were moving and leaving our dad. She tod us we were going to live with my granparents for a while. Well, we stayed there for a few days. My parents made-up and we moved back into our house.
    Then, i made a huge mistake. I got into a relationship with my best friends brother, behind everyones back. She found out, and told me she hated me and that i had hurt her so much. I hated myself. That was one of the lowest times in my life. Everyone was against me and i only had myself. But, it was my own fault. After a while, she forgave me. We are currently best friends again.
    Then, i found out my grandma had gotten cancer. It was a huge blow to me, because we were close. My parents continued to fight, me and my dad continued to fight; he would say things that hurt me to the core.
    This was about the time where i started to feel like there was no way out. I hated myself. I thought about suicide at least once a day. I never tried to commit suicide though, just thought about it.
    School had been the only thing that was partially good about my life. I met a boy, i thought he was the nicest boy i've ever met. he listented to my problems and treated me pretty good. But then, he told me he had cheated on me the entire time we had been dating. I was devastated. I broke up with him. He started texting me, threatening to have people assault me and kill me. My school found out, and said i needed to go to the state police.
    The police handled it, but i still see him at school, and it just brings back all of these memories. I started thinking about suicide more and more. I wanted a way out. Things just kept piling up and i was sick of feeling so horrible all the time. I decided to tell one of my close friends about the way i had been feeling.
    She told me i was going to hell. She gave me this religious view and that i was a sinner and was deserving to go to hell. I didnt need that!!!!! I felt as if she had turned her back on me. That devastated me even more, because i thought my friends could help me. I loved them to death. This came as a huge blow to me.
    I dont know what to do now. I dont even know if there is a point to my llife. I just feel as if i have no one anymore, and that thought scares me. I think about suicide everyday. I cry myself to sleep. I dont know what to do anymore.
  2. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    My thoughts are with you xx
  3. EmmaK

    EmmaK Member


    First.. you are not a sinner at all. That is only her view. Don't listen to what she said/says. Friends from school can be cruel...

    My childhood was so abusive both physically and verbally. No one protected me even if I was beaten up from my older bro. I was alone in the house. I too disliked my dad.

    I left home and a rent an apartment myself after I got first full time job. It wasn't too late to have a new start. After I left home, my dad changed. My bro was still abusive.. but I was glad I could see different face of my dad. He died accidentally and it hit me a lot. We were never close each other. But what I remember is only a good things..

    All I want to say is that you have a lot of potential awaiting even you can't see that now..

    I'm sorry.. if this is what you didn't want to hear..

  4. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    Friends and family quite often react badly when someone tells them they feel suicidal.

    Ive let it slip out a few times and I mostly just get back anger. As if that could ever help someone that feels suicidal?

    But there are people out there that understand how you feel and will listen. For example this place is good for getting out emotions.

    There are plenty of helplines that are there if you need someone to talk to.

    About this boy at your school, I cant believe that your school has let him stay there if the police are taking it seriously. You seem quite close to your mum, does she know about all this? I think she could help you. Get her to talk to the school for you. What this boy did is sick and incredibly serious and he should be dealt with as such.

    Keep talking here. It does help.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I often find that our intense thoughts be they sadness or suicide scare people off and they simply do not know what to say even though they care very much. Have you thought of going to a counselor or therapist to talk things out and help you get perspective on these matters?
    You have SF now and I am sure you will find a lot of caring friends here and people that are not scared off by your intense thoughts no matter what they may be about...keep posting and lean on us we are here and you a not alone ..here you are understood and accepted.

    Hugs Bambi
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