what's the point?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PheonixBomb, Feb 2, 2011.

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  1. PheonixBomb

    PheonixBomb Member

    Seriously, if I'm not bitter and angry, I'm too sensitive and negative. The only thing that helps is not paying attention to any of it, but eventually the loneliness sets in again and it comes back to bite me in the ass. The over sensitivity, the lack of confidence. All things that are not attractive in a guy.
    I've done things on my own my entire life, there was never that "omg CONNECTION / soul mate" thing that others talk about. Not even hand holding, and yet life wants to mock me. A friend of mine is totally head over heels for this guy, and they seem all lovey dovey and stuff. Part of me is happy for her, but the other part just gets depressed over it, which is partly why I don't talk to her anymore. Seeing people on the street walking arm in arm, or in restaurants also makes me feel worse.
    Maybe I just didn't get along with said girls, but they basically told me I'm too bitter and negative, and then go on about how awesome their boyfriends are. What the fuck?

    I'm not even depressed today, usually its an emotional suicide state, but today it just seems logical. I am a waste of space, a failure as an experiment. A poor performing subject in life.


    Either suicide, or join some organization where no one will ever find me (Special Forces, Black Ops etc)

    Never mind the whole anxiety (extra around girls) bullshit that goes on, and the depression it fuels.

    Part was maybe reading too many things written by bitter people, which has rubbed off on me, without actually going out there and experiencing things for myself. Or maybe the bullying that went on in middle school and part of high school. I over-think, don't seem to forget shit (it buries, but the thought or memory is still there). Apparently I should be a knuckle dragging moron who works out a lot and can hit on any girl or something....


    There is no point, so why haven't I done it yet?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The point is you don't know what the future will bring therapy will help you feel better abt yourself then you will be more attractive to others don't give up on you okay hugs
     
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'd suppose only you can answer that.

    There is some reason, or like you've said you would have done it already.

    So I'd suggest ruminating on that for a bit and figure out exactly why, then take it from there.
     
  4. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    I have issues myself, and contemplate suicide nearly everyday and may actually attempt it very soon(after classes in my University). I'm too nervous to try to deal with the "nurse" situation I'm dealing with(read past posts for more info), since I know for a fact they will take her side, given the fact that I called her, even though it said nothing about calling her on my conditional discharge, or to stay away from her house, or the hospital. I didn't even know what her name was until I went to court, and I have an idea on what she looks like since I went to a different hospital beacuse of her(she changed jobs apparently, and she left the room saying to some security guard or whatever "that's the girl that assaulted me- it made me suspicious that it was her on what she said, since she is the ONLY ONE who has made my life hell because I supposedly hit her while in a seizure- and she didn't even have a mark from it!) Just beacuse she's older they will take her side, as has happened in past experiences when I wasn't charged, when it involved something else. Anyway, good luck with your situation, I am really starting to wish for actual vooodoo dolls now(not on you, the ohter person).
     
  5. PheonixBomb

    PheonixBomb Member

    The following day and I still feel like shit, slept through most of the day. Watched some video about a depressed guy, then read the comments how it was funny, made me feel worse. Is depression really viewed that negatively? I feel as if I'm radioactive and no one wants to come near me, and once again am reminded of the girl who told me I'm too negative and "whine" too much...
     
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