Seriously, if I'm not bitter and angry, I'm too sensitive and negative. The only thing that helps is not paying attention to any of it, but eventually the loneliness sets in again and it comes back to bite me in the ass. The over sensitivity, the lack of confidence. All things that are not attractive in a guy. I've done things on my own my entire life, there was never that "omg CONNECTION / soul mate" thing that others talk about. Not even hand holding, and yet life wants to mock me. A friend of mine is totally head over heels for this guy, and they seem all lovey dovey and stuff. Part of me is happy for her, but the other part just gets depressed over it, which is partly why I don't talk to her anymore. Seeing people on the street walking arm in arm, or in restaurants also makes me feel worse. Maybe I just didn't get along with said girls, but they basically told me I'm too bitter and negative, and then go on about how awesome their boyfriends are. What the fuck? I'm not even depressed today, usually its an emotional suicide state, but today it just seems logical. I am a waste of space, a failure as an experiment. A poor performing subject in life. Either suicide, or join some organization where no one will ever find me (Special Forces, Black Ops etc) Never mind the whole anxiety (extra around girls) bullshit that goes on, and the depression it fuels. Part was maybe reading too many things written by bitter people, which has rubbed off on me, without actually going out there and experiencing things for myself. Or maybe the bullying that went on in middle school and part of high school. I over-think, don't seem to forget shit (it buries, but the thought or memory is still there). Apparently I should be a knuckle dragging moron who works out a lot and can hit on any girl or something.... There is no point, so why haven't I done it yet?