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what's the point?

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#1
nobody understands. this is not something that goes away. i want to die. i wake up disappointed every morning simply because, well i woke up. im tired. im sick. i don't want to do this. i lie awake at night thinking about ending. it would be so easy. ill be fine for a while and then the darkness comes back and its endless and its exhausting. it shatters my body and i can never fix myself in time for the next... wave? onslaught? i stand alone. i am alone and I'll die alone and suffering.
 

Monoka

Well-Known Member
#2
Your in the right place- people here do understand.
how long have you felt this way? there must be something thats stopped you ending it, concentrate on these things and it will keep you going untill you recover, and you will recover.
in the meantime were here to listen, talking starts to solve the problem
 
#3
nobody understands. this is not something that goes away. i want to die. i wake up disappointed every morning simply because, well i woke up. im tired. im sick. i don't want to do this. i lie awake at night thinking about ending. it would be so easy. ill be fine for a while and then the darkness comes back and its endless and its exhausting. it shatters my body and i can never fix myself in time for the next... wave? onslaught? i stand alone. i am alone and I'll die alone and suffering.
A very warm welcome to you for coming to this forum.. Everytime you feel blue, please visit this forum and talk to someone here.. :hug:

Welcome to SF forum once again.. :hug: Please tell us what is troubling you and making you feel suicidal..?
 
#4
when i was younger until about the age of 14, my father sexually abused me. i spend my life confused as i still love him as family, and somehow don't blame him for the mistakes he made. when i was 12, my parents moved me along with one of my sisters to France. i went from being happy and popular, to being spat on and ridiculed cos i was "weird". we lived in the middle of nowhere, and i spent most of my days wandering alone. this was where i first learnt the false smile. pretending everything was fine when inside i was dying. i tried my first overdose when i was 16. my parents were away for a few months and i opened the medicine cabinet one night and saw the paracetamol. temptation was too much. needless to say, i failed and my parents never found out.

i go through life enveloped in darkness. i try to swim against the tide but i just get so tired and i can't do this anymore. im so sick and tired of trying. i thought i was done with this. i thought i was strong. apparently i was wrong. im weak. i give in. i can't handle this.
 
#5
I'm sorry that you are going through this

you might want to also post on the rape and abuse forum

your father had no right to abuse you, and it's incredibly unfair that you have had to suffer the consequences of his crimes

have you tried therapy? I think that might be helpful for you

hope things can get better
:hug: :hug: :hug:
 

Monoka

Well-Known Member
#6
this was where i first learnt the false smile. pretending everything was fine when inside i was dying.
If you couldn't talk to your parents about it was there no on else? your sister for example- was she feeling the same?
you don't have to face it alone- find someone you can talk to either here, a friend or a professional. share your feelings.

you will never die alone
:hug:
 
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