when i was younger until about the age of 14, my father sexually abused me. i spend my life confused as i still love him as family, and somehow don't blame him for the mistakes he made. when i was 12, my parents moved me along with one of my sisters to France. i went from being happy and popular, to being spat on and ridiculed cos i was "weird". we lived in the middle of nowhere, and i spent most of my days wandering alone. this was where i first learnt the false smile. pretending everything was fine when inside i was dying. i tried my first overdose when i was 16. my parents were away for a few months and i opened the medicine cabinet one night and saw the paracetamol. temptation was too much. needless to say, i failed and my parents never found out.
i go through life enveloped in darkness. i try to swim against the tide but i just get so tired and i can't do this anymore. im so sick and tired of trying. i thought i was done with this. i thought i was strong. apparently i was wrong. im weak. i give in. i can't handle this.