I have been back in the 'functioning' world for less than a year, and right now i want to just say fuck off to it all. I've messed it all up in a short 10months. well less. I;ve messed up the 8months I've been in society in less than a week. I cannot be arsed doing anything, I dont want to try any more. I've shot myself in the foot, like i knew i would. I'm doing a course that is to BENIFIT what i want to do; but whats the point in finishing the course if i've fucked over the employment I was going to get. How have io fucked it over i hear you say? I was seeing one of the employers customers/friends, and I ended it as he was way to intense and also extremely creepy and triggered me with his sexual ideas/requests/actions. - i can tell you's if you want me too. they arent pleasent. But so what you ended it, tahst your perogative, and shouldnt be held against you? - it wasnt, but the guy started calling me, heavy breathing down the phone. but it progressed last week to him speaking so i knew it WAS him. theres a thread on it :http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=99057 But I told the employer, as i changed my number becuase of these calls. So this incures a difficult situation, if he takes me on, he'll have to dance around having us in teh same place at the same time. then with events he holds, he runs into the same issues. Now it would be easier to not hire me, as the customer/friend brings more money in than i would, he also socialises with this person, so easier to not have me there. Which brings me back to wtf is the point in finishing anything. Its can so and fuck. Yes i could in theory get another job placement, but the chances i get one soon and even half as good are slim and none.