whats the point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whatif, Sep 11, 2011.

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  1. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    I find myself breaking down its getting harder and harder everyday I used to be the kinda person that it was the little things that count now its those little things are killing me look a picture and I feel my chest getting tight here that voice on the phone everything is good fir that moment now I've lost it I'm slipping I think and fantisize of how I'm going to do it I sit and think what's the point I'm a empty shell emotionally broken mentally broken I'm just gone what's left emptyness
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    empty void of everything so alone i get that hun i do get that i for one hope you reachout now for some help okay before you get worse. Call you doc okay go to hospital get some help to get out of that dam depression your in
    I know it seem hopeless but it not hun really hugs
     
  3. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I planned out my suicide if I do it in the future. I know the medication that will make that happen. I haven't wrote any letters, but I would want to do that with the people I really love. Make them understand I didn't want to leave them but I was suffering and could not stand it. A hotel room so I wouldn't have to worry about any family finding me laying there dead the next day.

    Hopefully, that day will never come..

    You can get past suicidal thoughts.
     
  4. musicalpsycho

    musicalpsycho Active Member

    I think about how I'd do end things too. Fortunately, for the time being I've found something to cling onto. My family make me feel guilty about even thinking about suicide. If you haven't already gotten help from a shrink or doctor etc then do that, just find SOMEthing that makes you feel so strongly that it makes you feel like postponing it for another day or two at least. You can get past this.:)
     
  5. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies I really don't want to be depressed I really don't I can't get help cause it could conflict with my job I can't trust my family they have all done me wrong I don't want to go home cause I can't stand the one I'm stuck with I lost the only one that I seen the light at the end of the tunnel now that's gone I have lost everything cars boats house property now I got my self mentally drained
     
  6. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Why did you lose everything like that??

    Sounds like you've been to hell and back, I'm sorry.. :(

    Hope your feeling better today.
     
  7. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    I lost everything like that cause I put my trust into someone that I figured being with her for years she never did such a thing I'd work she had full access to my money her job was to pay the bills I made plenty of money almost 100k a year then the first car hone bike got stolen car got repoed. The she suddenly has an apartment and my mortgage 3 months behind and then she's with my friend and that's just the tip of that iceberg
     
  8. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Wow, that's really messed up. It's a shame there's nothing you could do about that, and I am assuming since you was in a relationship with her, leaves you pretty screwed in the matter. And your friend, some friend. Do you at least still have that kick ass job? 100k a year is quite impressive, you know.
     
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi whatif. I am so sorry to hear that you lost so much. I was once in a situation that sounds similar to how you feel. I had been living in an abusive situation for years. I finally moved away. And then when I got to the new place, barely able to function, my dad died. It was like I was barely alive. An empty shell. Broken. I ended up in therapy with a psychiatrist three times a week. And was on meds. I did recover from it. But it took time and help.

    You wrote: " I can't get help cause it could conflict with my job" Would you mind saying how it could conflict with your job?? Thanks. And again, I am sorry :hugtackles:
     
  10. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    To answer the question first I don't have that kick ass job anymore second its hard for me to get help because I'm under department of transportation regulations you can't be any medical treatment for a mental disorder that's what I've Bern told
     
  11. IWantToBelieve

    IWantToBelieve Active Member

    Sorry to hear about your hardships. When you were happy, what made you happy? Or, have you ever been happy?
     
  12. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Well you have us.. I would prefer this forum over therapy any day.. Do you think it helps to get on here and talk about what is upsetting you? I think it helps me to some degree.

    Do you think it's possible to find another good job?? You should try. You have to be pretty smart to have made that kind of money.

    You can get your life back in order hun.. Just don't give up trying..
     
  13. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    Yes I was happy at one time didn't relize what I had I didn't have a lot but I had what I needed and her now there's nothing I can't trust people I'm at a point I don't know what to do I see options coming my way but if I choose something its gonna mess other things up I do find this forum to help to a degree it did stop me once as for the old job yeah I can work my way up the corporate latter again. But I don't know I always ask my self whit if..
     
  14. IWantToBelieve

    IWantToBelieve Active Member

    What exactly are you missing that you feel you need?

    I myself work about 12 hours every day under a lot of stress just to be able to pay my bills if I'm lucky. My car is old and the windshield is badly cracked but I can't afford to replace it. All I hope is that it keeps running or I'll be deeper in debt. All this used to bother me much more at some point. It can still get to me, but at the end of the day it's how you decide to approach things.
     
  15. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    Honestly right now I'm so mind boggled I don't know what I need I got things pulling me in so many directions I'm not knowing what to do what I originally wanted I can't have back I am starting to understand that now what I have no I don't want its just dragging me down even more I have one thing looking positive right now besides my daughter but ill be taking a chance and d:spaz:eek:n't know if it could be worth taking like they say is it to good to be true or is it my calling my change I've been needing
     
  16. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks for the explination. So people who work for DOT cannot ever have therapy? I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds very very predjudiced of them. Their employees can get help for other medical disorders but not for mental disorders. That kind of discrimination is the perfect example of why the stigma of mental illness is alive and thriving. I AM sorry this is what is between you and the help you so deserve :arms:
     
  17. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    Yes its very prejudice but they look at you as the soldier of the road your supposed to be perfect when ment of us are far from that a lot ha e heart issues sleep disorders and mental disorders but can not get treatment for mental issues but its ok to have a sleep disorder and heart problems I'm used to it now I wont do this job forever I may be able to get the help I may need one day
     
  18. IWantToBelieve

    IWantToBelieve Active Member

    whatif,

    There are many ways that you can get help under the radar until you don't have to worry about your employer finding out. Reading books, seeking people, going to meetings for group therapy (without requiring registration) and, of course, this forum. There are many things that can help you that you can do.
     
  19. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    Yes I completely understand thus one of the reasons ive stayed with this site the night I found this site was the night it almost did happen I did cut but a pm slowed me and then I stopped and put more focus upon the site other people like you and I yeah sure I have bad days and really bad days but as do everyone else
     
  20. IWantToBelieve

    IWantToBelieve Active Member

    I am happy to hear that.

    The truth is that life can be difficult, almost unbearable, and a support system of people who care is important.

    My life sucks too. I am working again today (7th day in a row.) Not a single vacation day in 9 months. Commute is over 2 hours each day. Work is unfulfilling. I am underpaid and underappreciated. But I'd rather not dwell on these things because I can't change anything right now, so worrying about it will only make things worse.

    Take care.
     
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