fozzey,
I see that you're angry, and I'm sorry that's how you feel. I imagine that life has handed you a disappointment or two. I, too, often feel let down by life, and by myself. Yet, realize this: that same anger about your current situation that you're feeling now can be a deep part of you fighting to reconcile these disappointments with the rest of your life. You just haven't figured out how to do it yet. Please, give yourself some time to let that part of you shine through and help you cope with all these things that seem to be piling up against you. Please.