Here is the back story. I am very suicidal have been for 90% of my life. I've tried over and over that I can't count anymore. I am goin to post this in both here and in the substance abuse. To start I'm in love with my ex fiancé who I feel and have proof she was cheating on me with her/ my non biological sons father! She had slip ups over a year ago and then again this Xmas. I've been in the kids life and have been supporting them since the day she found out she was pregnant. I love her and she swears up and down she didn't do anything. It I've seen evidence sayin otherwise. I've hit bottom before been hospitalized, on meds! Nothing works I'm to a point where I'm burning, huffing drinking all I due is work and sit at my house. I'm to the point that I feel nothing no pain no anger no happiness! I'm doing two cans of duster a day hoping that one hit will end it all. No luck but I do have the note ready and this is just about my last ditch effort! I'm out of options!