had my job performance review yesterday
terryifying year after last review trying to do good enough to keep my job
he starts saying how i've improved so much
then he gives me a rating that is barely better than last year
he was waiting for me to get excited - i was just tired
i bailed his ass out of a ton of problem situations on short notice - had to put off my own projects to do it
not sure why i even hoped things would be better
been feeling drained and hollow since
literally sleep-walked my way to the train this morning - lost track of time until i came to the police and the car accident - who knew two cars would actually be trying to cross the road from different directions at 4:30 in the morning - started wishing i had been under one of them
trying to get stuff done but am getting nowhere - there's no point
work gives me "praise" with no real compensation - can't quit - nowhere else to go - 5 hours of travel per day finally beginning to grind me down
kids come home from work and i don't see them except at dinner - maybe
had 31st anniversary on wednesday and wife said she would be late picking me up because she wanted to wait until a show she was watching ended
i got her a card - she got me nothing - make no difference any more - been going to bed alone for the last several weeks unless you count the cat
sometimes i can't breathe - don't even want to - spend so much of my time emotionally dead - pain so constant i don't even really feel it any more
don't know why i keep trying - pretty soon i think i'm going to stop
terryifying year after last review trying to do good enough to keep my job
he starts saying how i've improved so much
then he gives me a rating that is barely better than last year
he was waiting for me to get excited - i was just tired
i bailed his ass out of a ton of problem situations on short notice - had to put off my own projects to do it
not sure why i even hoped things would be better
been feeling drained and hollow since
literally sleep-walked my way to the train this morning - lost track of time until i came to the police and the car accident - who knew two cars would actually be trying to cross the road from different directions at 4:30 in the morning - started wishing i had been under one of them
trying to get stuff done but am getting nowhere - there's no point
work gives me "praise" with no real compensation - can't quit - nowhere else to go - 5 hours of travel per day finally beginning to grind me down
kids come home from work and i don't see them except at dinner - maybe
had 31st anniversary on wednesday and wife said she would be late picking me up because she wanted to wait until a show she was watching ended
i got her a card - she got me nothing - make no difference any more - been going to bed alone for the last several weeks unless you count the cat
sometimes i can't breathe - don't even want to - spend so much of my time emotionally dead - pain so constant i don't even really feel it any more
don't know why i keep trying - pretty soon i think i'm going to stop