what's the point?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Wastingecho, Jul 13, 2012.

  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    had my job performance review yesterday

    terryifying year after last review trying to do good enough to keep my job

    he starts saying how i've improved so much

    then he gives me a rating that is barely better than last year

    he was waiting for me to get excited - i was just tired

    i bailed his ass out of a ton of problem situations on short notice - had to put off my own projects to do it

    not sure why i even hoped things would be better

    been feeling drained and hollow since

    literally sleep-walked my way to the train this morning - lost track of time until i came to the police and the car accident - who knew two cars would actually be trying to cross the road from different directions at 4:30 in the morning - started wishing i had been under one of them

    trying to get stuff done but am getting nowhere - there's no point

    work gives me "praise" with no real compensation - can't quit - nowhere else to go - 5 hours of travel per day finally beginning to grind me down

    kids come home from work and i don't see them except at dinner - maybe

    had 31st anniversary on wednesday and wife said she would be late picking me up because she wanted to wait until a show she was watching ended

    i got her a card - she got me nothing - make no difference any more - been going to bed alone for the last several weeks unless you count the cat

    sometimes i can't breathe - don't even want to - spend so much of my time emotionally dead - pain so constant i don't even really feel it any more

    don't know why i keep trying - pretty soon i think i'm going to stop
  2. Juiceh

    Juiceh Member


    Hang in there. And you know what? I know that, in the modern society, it is indeed not the convention to quit your job if you are not qualified for others. But stuff that! Quit your job. Your boss sounds like an asshole anyway. Get a simple job with a simple wage. Live a simple life - but make friends! Go out, meet new people. I mean, even pizza delivery guys can be cool guys right?

    Bottom line is, nothing (I do mean nothing) means more than your life and happiness. Isn't the very purpose of life to be happy and make the people around you happy too? When you get back up from that abyss of despair, get back on your feet and get a qualifying job.

    Sometimes, we all need a break. All of us. :)

    Good luck. I'll be here.
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't quit - 4 other people dependent on me - lose everything if i don't work