This will probably all come out wrong so please bear with me. I'm new. I attempted suicide in June but was found and they saved me. I wish they hadn't. Was intubated and the whole 9. My life has been a horror show from the start. I'm tired and quite frankly I'm back at the point where I'm ready to swallow another round of pills and hope they DON'T find me. My mother PLEADS with me to not do this, come home...every relationship I get in, even though I take GREAT measures to try and NOT find men who are going to use me, I wind up being used ANYWAY, I can't seem to win for losing. There is more to it than that - but I'm just so damn...tired. I guess my point is - what the hell is the point of all this damn misery? I'm so very tired. Everyone is happy with me as long as I'm breaking my back to please them but when I get to the point where *I* break, nobody wants to know me. I need help. If I tell my fiance, he doesn't have time. How's that song go? It's only when we're dead that people start listening? I'm ready to go now. It's just a matter of when... I told my mom this morning that unless I find some concrete reason why I'm supposed to be here, i'm out... I just don't know what to do. My fiance has small kids (not mine) - and I think the first weekend they go to their moms and I have the house to myself, I'm going to just be done with it, only so those little babies don't have to have THAT trauma in their lives. They're only 2 and 3. They don't need to see that mess. I'm just so tired of people draining me. I'm just so damn...tired. Nothing seems to be worth it. At all.