I just don't quite understand what's going on here. Suddenly, over the past couple of days, SH has become a constant buzz in the back of my mind. It used to only be an urge if things were going really bad. I knew one day I would think about it all the time, but I didn't think it would happen like this. Honestly, less than 3 days ago I barely thought about it, and now it's constant. Lines have to be memorized for the play tonight, we don't get prompts (I don't know mine, I want to cut); Math quiz tomorrow on the easiest section yet this year, and the homework for the past couple of days is due (I've barely done any of it, I want to cut); I'm not going to get these assignments done our Computer Applications teacher just assigned, due at the end of the class period (I've no motivation, I want to cut); I think I offended my friend with an off-handed comment this morning (she probably hates me, I want to cut). It's not supposed to be like this, is it--at least not this quickly? What's wrong with me? What's with this? And I can't shake it either, though I've honestly tried hard. I've tried distracting myself a variety of ways, tried some various coping methods, even tried some of those things on the list that are supposed to rid you of the urges (my arm is covered in a wall of black and red permanent markers, and the fingers on my left hand are swollen from the cold water). Is something wrong with me? Can someone help? I've resisted the urge for the past few days, but I think I'm slipping again. I don't think I can escape today unscathed.